ew slant on your material. If your keywords no longer seem relevai your notes to create new keywords and reshuffle again. Planning Your Argument Manage Moments of Normal Panic This might be a good time to address a problem that afflicts 6.1 6.2 What a Research Argument Is and Is Not Build Your Argument Around Answers to Readers' Questions 6.2.1 Identify (or Invent) Target Readers Interested in Your Question 6.2.2 How Arguments Grow from Questions Assemble the Core of Your Argument 6.3.1 Turn Your Working Hypothesis into a Claim 6.3.2 Evaluate Your Claim 6.3.3 Support Your Claim with Reasons and Evidence Acknowledge and Respond to Readers' Points of View 6.4.1 Imagining Readers'Views 6.4.2 Acknowledging and Responding Use Warrants if Readers Question the Relevance of Your Reasons An Argument Assembled 6.3 6.4 6.5 6.S Most of us would rather read sources than start to write a draft. But well before you've done all the research you'd like to do, you have to start thinking about the first draft of your paper. You might be ready when your storyboard is full and you're satisfied with how it looks. But you can't be certain until you start planning that first draft. Do that in two steps: Sort your notes into the elements of a research argument. Organize those elements.into a coherent form. In this chapter, we explain how to assemble the elements of your argument; in the next, how to organize them. As you gain experience, you'll learn to combine those two steps into one process. 6.1 What a Research Argument Is and Is Not The word argument has bad associations these days, partly because radio and TV stage so many nasty ones. But the argument in a research paper is not the verbal combat we so often get from politicians and pundits. It doesn't try to intimidate an opponent into silence or submission. In fact, there's rarely an "opponent" at all. A research argument is like an amiable conversation in which you and your readers reason together to solve a problem. But those readers won't accept that solution until they hear a case for it; good reasons, reliable evidence that grounds those reasons, and your responses to their reasonable questions and reservations. It is challenging enough to maintain a sense of amiable cooperation with others who do not share your views when you can talk face-to-face. But it is doubly difficult when you write, because you usually write alone. You have 64:: CHAPTER 6: PLANNING YOUR ARGUMENT , to imagine your readers' role in that conversation: not only do you have to hold up your end, but your imagination has to hold up theirs. Your argument: : can answer your readers' questions only if you can first imagine those readers asking those questions for you to answer. When readers hear traces of their questions in your written report, they recognize that you Ve thought not just about your views but about theirs as : well. Remember this core principle of argument: Each of us can believe what we want, for whatever reason we want, but we have no right to ask others to believe it unless we can give them good reasons to do so, reasons that make .■■{ sense^from their point of view. When you make a research argument, you must lay out your reasons and -it-evidence so that your readers can see how you reasoned your way to a conclu- > sion; then you must imagine their questions and answer them. That sounds ; challenging—and for a complex argument it can be. But it's more familiar th.ui j you may think, because in fact you have that kind of conversation every day. ' \ Build Your Argument Around Answers to Readers' Questions " [ i Identify (or Invent) Target Readers Interested in Your Question [ You cannot anticipate your readers' questions unless you have a good idea of . I who they are and what they know. That's a problem for many class papi-i j since you have no obvious readers but your teacher—who isn't reading as her- | self (see the Caution below). That's why teachers often set up research papers j so that your target readers are your classmates. If not, you have to select at f least one target reader for yourself. Your best choice is someone you know who I would be interested in your question and who knows as much about it as you ', did before you started your research. (Even better if you know two or more i such people.) Have them in mind when you imagine your readers' questions. I If you don't know such a person, invent one. The more you can imagine spe- . -. | cific, familiar people asking you questions, the better your argument will be. I Write for Target Readers, Not Your Teacher .Ybw-tS'aehBrTO i:; mi:-.;:, ru'st c-! fell, •.c&cnc-.'s cc-.fady juujiv: papy;s :.ot -ji themselves b.r. ffdrn :tKe:pp.to Sfec6nd,:-you: fist :maH ;ments:yo;u wfilfffl^ readers idprt't^faif to 'anticipate rque teacfier #oh't^ '.•-•i.i :e:*:.r.w nor:-.: yo.i; t:;!*:t-: rear.riK. O:.'.*• you :iH"r.:ry you: "m';-1,*-! a-..-.:'.-:.•;. write' only -forffiem:;; V>:;V; Assemble the Cpre of Your Argument 65 6.2.2 How Arguments Grow from Questions You already brow about asking the kinds of questions whose answers will compose your argument because you ask and answer them every day. Consider this exchange: A: I hear you had a hard time last semester. How do you think this one will go? [A poses o problem in the form of a question.] B: Better, I hope. [B answers the question.] A: Why so? [A asks for a reason to belieue B's answer.] B: I'm taking courses in my major. [B offers a reason.] A: Like what? [A asks/or evidence to back up B's reason.] B: History of Art, Intro to Design. [B offers evidence to back up his reason.] A: Why will taking courses in your major make a difference? [A doesn't see the releuance of B's reason to his claim that he uril! do better.) B: When I take courses I'm interested in, I work harder. [B offers a general principle that relates his reason to his claim that he tuiil do better.] A: What about that math course you have to take? [A objects to B's reason.] B: I know I had to drop it last time I took it, but I found a good tutor. [B acknowledges A's objection and responds to it;] ■ If you can see yourself as A or B, you'll find nothing new in the argument of a research report, because you build its argument out of the answers to those same five questions. What is your claim? What reasons support it? What evidence supports those reasons? How do you respond to objections and alternative views? How are your reasons relevant to your claim? If you ask and answer those five questions, you can't guarantee that your readers will accept your claim, but you make it more likely that they'll treat it—and you—with respect. 6.3 Assemble the Gore of Your Argument At the core of your argument is your claim, supported by your reasons for believing it and the evidence that grounds those reasons. To that core you will add at least one more element: you must acknowledge and respond to your readers' questions, objections, and alternative points of view. Most students 6.3.1 6.3.2 66 CHAPTER 6; PLANNING YOUR ARGUMENT find these elements easy to understand when they think of them in light of the predictable questions they answer: What do you want me to believe? Why should I believe that? How do you know that's true? What about my ideas on this matter? The fifth element, a warrant, is less common and more difficult to understand and use; you can build perfectly adequate arguments without them. So if you struggle with them, focus on the four elements that your readers will always expect to see. Before you address the views and concerns of your readers, you have to be clear about your own. So your first step is to assemble the claim, reasons, and evidence that make up the core of your argument. Turn Your Working Hypothesis into a Claim In the early stages of your research, your job was to find a question and imagine a tentative answer. We called that answer your working hypothesis—the most promising answer to your research question that you would keep around, but only on probation. Now that you think you can build a case to support that hypothesis, it's time to take it off probation and think of it as your main claim. That main claim is the center of your argument, the answer to your question, the point of your report (some teachers call it a thesis). SOME TFKMINOLOCY Your Claim's Many Names "(Every yoou icxit^v. pape: is buy* svoun.1 a.maihUdg^asntostSirnjportantr&S :::sui^.a;;cdh^ :; because ypu=Kaye jo (:;bf(yjeyy::af yo:;r question, Doingyourreseareh;:caU-ityour:iuoi'feitig.ftypothesis7VMafcrngyour:ar-'i ■ guMson:. call ityour mam clainfepfganizingyour paper;cajljityourrticiin"point.' You need so many names forithis one idea because.it plays so-many roles'irr :Cy6urpaper.' ..." Evaluate Your Claim Start a new first page of your storyboard (if you already have one, replace it). At the bottom, state your claim in a sentence or two. Be specific, because the words in this claim will help you plan and execute your draft. Avoid vague value words like important, interesting, significant, and the like. Compare the following two claims: 6.3.3 Assemble the Core of Your Argument 67 Masks play a big role in many religious ceremonies. In cultures from pre-Columbian America to Africa and Asia, masks allow religious celebrants to bring deities to life so that worshippers experience them directly. Now judge the significance of your claim (So wftiit? again). A significant claim doesn't make a reader think, I know that, but rather, Really? What makes you think so? (Review 1.2.) These next claims are too trivial to justify writing a report on them: This report discusses teaching popular legends such as the Battle of the Alamo to elementary school students. (So what if it does?) Teaching our national historythrough popular legends such as the Battle of the Alamo is common in elementary education. {So luhat if it is?) Of course, what your readers will count as interesting depends on what they know. But that's hard to predict when you're early in your research career. So don't think you've failed if you can't find a convincing answer to So what? If you're writing one of your first reports, assume that the most important judge of the sigriificance of your argument is you. It is enough if you alone think your answer is significant, if it makes you think, Well, I didn't understand that when I started. But if you think your claim is vague or trivial, don't try to build an argument to support it. If you can find no reason to make a case for your claim, neither will your readers. Find a new claim. Support Your Claim with Reasons and Evidence It may seem obvious that you must back up a claim with reasons and evidence. But it's easy to confuse those two words because we often use them as if they mean the same thing: What reasons do you base your claim on? What evidence do you base your claim on? But they mean different things: We think up logical reasons, but we collect factual evidence; we don't collect factual reasons and think up logical evidence. We base reasons on evidence; we don't base evidence on reasons. A reason is an idea, and you don't have to cite its source (if you thought of it yourself). In contrast, evidence usually comes from outside your mind, so you must always cite a reliable source for it. Even if you found your evidence through your own observation or experiment, you must show what you did to find it. 68 :: CHAPTER 6: PLANNING YOUR ARGUMENT In short: Reasons are your ideas that need the support of evidence; evidence is composed of facts that need no support beyond a reference to a reliable source. The problem is that what you think is a true fact and therefore hard evidence, your readers might not. For example, suppose a researcher offers the following claim and reason, backed up by tins "hard" evidence: Early Alamo stories reflected values already in the American character.cillim The story almost instantly became a legend of American heroic sacrifice.^™ Jones reports that soon after the battle, many newspapers used the story to celebrate our heroic national character.e„iljma If readers accept that statement as an unquestioned fact, they may accept it as evidence. But a skeptical reader, the kind you should expect (even hope for), is likely to ask: How many is "many"? Which newspapers? In news stories or editorials? What exactly did they say? How many papers didn't mention it? Even if they think Jones is a reliable source, they expect the researcher to offer more specific facts: the numbers behind "many," the specific forms of "celebration," perhaps even quotes from news stories. To be sure, we sometimes accept a claim based only on a reason, if that reason seems self-evidently true or is from a trusted authority: We are all created equal,reas0„ so no one has a natural right to oppress us.ci„im Instructors in introductory courses often let students support reasons with no more than the reports of an authoritative source: Wilson says X about religious masks, Yang says Y, Schmidt says Z. Find out from your teacher if you can use the claims of authorities as evidence. But when you do more advanced work, you have to look for harder evidence than the word of an authority. Readers want evidence drawn not from a secondary source but from primary sources or your own observation (see 4.1). Review your storyboard: Can you back up each reason with what your readers will think is evidence of the right kind, quantity, and quality? Might your readers think that what you offer as evidence needs more support? Or a better source? If so, you must find more data or acknowledge the limits of what you have. Your claim, reasons, and evidence make up the core of your argument, but it needs at least one more element, maybe two. 6.4 Acknowledge and Respond to Readers' Points of View Recall that we said a written argument is not a one-sided lecture to passive listeners but a two-sided conversation in which you speak with and for your readers. No argument is complete that fails to bring in your readers* points of view. You must acknowledge your readers by imagining questions and objections on their behalf, then by answering them. Acknowledge and Respond to Readers' Points of View :: 69 6.4.1 Imagining Readers' Views Readers raise two kinds of questions; try to imagine and respond to both. 1. The first kind of question points to problems inside your argument, usually its evidence. Imagine a reader making any of these criticisms of your evidence. If one of them might be reasonable, construct a mini-argument in response: Your evidence is from an unreliable or out-of-date source. Your evidence is inaccurate. You don't have enough evidence. What you report doesn't fairly represent all the evidence available. You have the wrong kind of evidence for our field. Then imagine these kinds of objections to your reasons. If one of them might be reasonable, construct a mini-argument in response: Your reasons are inconsistent or contradictory. You don't have enough reasons. They are too weak to support your claim. They are irrelevant to your claim and so do not count as reasons (see 6.5). 2. The second kind of question points to problems outside your argument. Those who see the world differendy are likely to define words differently, reason differently, even offer evidence that you think is irrelevant Don't treat these differing points of view simply as objections. You'll lose readers if you insist that your view is right and theirs is wrong. Instead, acknowledge the differences, then compare them so that readers can understand your argument on its own terms. They might not agree, but you'll show them that you understand and respect their views. They are then more likely to respect and try to understand yours. If you're a new researcher, you'll find these questions hard to imagine because you might not know how in fact your readers' views differ from your own. Even so, try to think of some plausible questions and objections and then respond to them. It's important to get into the habit of asking yourself, What could cast doubt on my claim? But when you do more advanced work, you will be expected to know the issues that others in your field are likely to raise. So practice imagining and responding to disagreements. Even if you just go through the motions, you'll cultivate a habit of mind that your readers will respect and that may keep you from jumping to questionable conclusions. Add those acknowledgments and responses to your storyboard where you think readers will raise them. CHAPTER S: PLANNING YOUR ARGUl 6.4.2 Ask Friends to Object ■ If you cannot imagine objections or alternatives to your argument, enlist help from your writing group. Ask them to read your-draft and make, the longest list they can of objections,' alternative conclusions, different interpretations of evidence, and so on. Ask them not to censor themselves—you want even their nuttiest ideas. You may find in.their views a question.to acknowledge and respond to; and if not, their list might give you an idea of your own. Acknowledging and Responding When you acknowledge an anticipated question or objection, you can give it more or less weight. You can mention and dismiss it, summarize it quickly, or address it at length. Do not dismiss a position that your readers take seriously; do not address at length one for which you have no good response. Standard Forms for Acknowledging .We order these expressions from most dismissive to most respectful. (Brack- • etsand slashes indicate choices.);; l.v You can downplay an alternative by summarizing tt-m a short phrase. : • • .Mnttcduc;ed-withdespite,' regardless o/,. or-noturfthstanding: [Despite/ Regardless of/ Notwithstanding j Congress's claims that it - wants to cut taxes,a<:kmll,ieimm the public believes .that...,resp(,„Sp - - ' - You can usealthoughytuhfle, andeven though in the' same way: ■ ■ :; [Although / While /.Even though] Congress claims it wants to cut taxes,actaoo)lecl9M the public belie-yes that.'.-.-.ir^ie-v:'■■^:;'--,;-:.-■':■'■■■■ 2. You can signal an alternative with seem or appear* or withaquahfying ■■ ■ adverb,- such as plausibly reasonably,■■■understandably, surprisingly, foolishly, ■ or even certainly..... ....;. in his-letters, Lincoln expresses what [seems/appears] to be depres- Liberals [plausibly / reasonably / foolishly 7 etc.] argue that the arts ought to hesupportedbytaxes.aftniujieagmert But we all know ,:, :KSVcnX ■ ■ 3.. You can-acknowledge an alternative without naming its source: This:. ■ -,..: ■gives it just a little weight;'.; Itiseasy to [think/imagine/say/claim/argue) that taxes.should..;.. There is [another / alternative / possible/ standard] [explanation / argument/possibility].. Acknowledge and Respond to Readers' Paints of view :: 71 Some evidence |might/can/could/would/does] [suggest/indicate/ lead some to thinkj that we should .. 4:;. You cah.ackh6#ledge'an alternative by-attributihgit to-ambre or less ;;:.: ■ : specific source. This construction gives it more weight; ;•; ■ There are (some/many/few] who [might/could/wouldj |say/think/ claim / charge / object; that Cubs is not... (Most.' Many ■' Some / A few] administrators: [say / think / claim / charge.'object! ■ha: !vr,r-i:.-lio!.... . Jones [says / thinks/claims / charges/objects] that students „. "■'5:( 'rou;cah acknowledge sive adverbs: such "as n iroifv y;>;u. 1. t:i x jure, sr.:: so en. This cons;:; ;; structioriconcedesthat the •::uu.itiv« :ia>. T~:nc' Trolly. :.t:t ly chat:;;- ■ ' ingthe words, y.-ri ;:i :t:yl:iv how :n:u-h v.-"id:tv y::s; ui.ii:r.,v.'!i;d;'C:. I [understand / know / realize / appreciate] that liberals believe in ... ... It is [true/ possible / likely / certain / must be admitted] thai no good evidence proves that coffee causes cancer.J, j: '"",.•■ ; Granted / Admittedly / True / To be sure/Certainly/Of course . Ad ''■;. ams-stated'.',:!'-.; ..;:,; ':;::; ;(;W^ :spending;Ohthe;a:rtssupportsipdmogf^phic:.,:. . .: We have to [consider / raisej the [question/ possibility / probability! (:. that-furtherstudy [could;/might /will] showcrirnehas not...,.;;; ;r: 'v;W^carinbt fedisrMissi/reje^ Readers use the words of your acknowledgment to judge how seriously you take an objection or alternative. But they will base that judgment even more on the nature of your response. If your readers think an alternative is a serious one, they expect you to respond to it in some detail, including reasons and evidence to support that response. Do not dismiss or attack a position that your readers believe strongly: if you cannot make a convincing argument against it, simply show how it differs from yours and explain why you believe as you do. Standard Forms for Introducing Responses You carl respond'in'ways that range' from tactfully indirect Iribl.a.t. ';: lr iWcah state thatybu^ ; "Buff: dp nbfquite/uftderstand^ is' not < l-'.';.u to rr.o that.... 72 CHAPTER 6: PLANNING YOUR ARGUMENT '2. '.'Or you can state 'that'the're are unsettled issues':'""":;': : But there are other issues:.. ./There remains the problem of;:;.;:;:;-:: l.■:■'.'.::■ ■ ,'3.:-" Yijii-can respond more bluntlyby '.claiming the acknowledged-ppsitio.nis ■:: ■'.:' iirrelevarit or unreliable::.'■■: ;■'■; But as insightful as'that point maybe.it [ignores. is irrelevant to; the • .:';:issueathand. '. But the evidence is [unreliable / shaky / thin / not the best available]. . But the argument is [untenable / wrong / weak / confused /■.. simplistic]. :; But that view [overlooks^ .....But-tiiat position.is based:on.(unreliable/ faulty / weak /.confused] . [reasoning/evidence]. Use Warrants if Readers Question the Relevance of Your Reasons Sometimes readers question an argument not because they object to its evidence or see an alternative interpretation of events, but because they cannot see its logic. Consider this argument, made by the ex-basketball star and TV .-.. commentator Charles Barkley: I should not be held to a higher standard in my behavior,ciaim because I never put myself forward as a rale model for kids.reas0„ He was immediately criticized. His critics agreed that his reason was true: In fact, Barkley never claimed to be a role model. But, they said, that reason was irrelevant: He was a role model to be held to a higher standard, whether he asked for it or not. Barkley and his critics did not disagree about evidence or reasons: all agreed that Barkley had never asked to be a role model. What they disagreed about was the underlying principle of reasoning that should apply to that fact. For Barkley, the principle was something like this: Whenever someone does not ask to be a role model, he is not responsible to meet the standard of behavior applied to role models. But the critics applied a different principle: Whenever someone willingly engages in an activity that makes him famous and admired, he is a role model whether he asked for it or not. If we think Barkley's principle is the right one, then we must accept his claim; if we think the critics have the right principle, then we must reject his and accept theirs. An Argument Assembled " 73 A warrant is a general principle that if one thing is true, then something else must also be true. It answers those who believe that your reasons are true but still don't see why they should accept your claim: they think your reasons are irrelevant to believing your claim because they do not know (or accept) the principle of reasoning that connects them. As we said, warrants are less common than the other parts of argument. They are used most often when an argument is about politics and morality (where people hold many contradictory principles) or when an expert makes an argument for lay readers (because experts know lots of principles that lay readers may not). Don't Let Warrants Intimidate You ':if;warrants still seem confusmg,:don'cbe3 WtfentgafeittO^ ■ tahtwhen you write for reader's',:whb:think in ways' very- diffprrr.r f:cm you. They are.least important when your readers are a lot like you. Since you're■ . likely to-Kave.target readers; who. do feinkmore or less asyoudo, you may not ::he"ed.Warranfe dr^ftiifidludeffi ftrytocfSrce;^ beqoirhgim^ : ::arid:taekle::rndre:adya ::rarits!and:tfeir:uses»:' "•'^■'P'^^^^^'^. 6.6 An Argument Assembled Here is a small argument that pulls togedrer all five pans: TV aimed at children can aid their intellectual development, but that contribution has been offset by a factor that could damage their emotional development—too much violence.daim Parents agree that example is an important influence on a child's development. That's why parents tell their children stories about heroes. It seems plausible, then, that when children see degrading behavior, they will be affected by it as well.In a single day, children see countless examples of violence.,^,, Every day the average child watches almost four hours of TV and sees about twelve acts of violence (Smith 1992).i,„jljL,m.ETarnov has shown that children don't confuse cartoon violence with real life (2003).flct„t,u,(l,dgme„t nf nta,raaIj„B p0im ojuiew But that may make children more vulnerable to violence in other shows. If they only distinguish between cartoons and people, they may think real actors engaged in graphic violence represent real life.TESptlrlse We cannot ignore the possibility that TV violence encourages the development of violent adults.ddm resMKd Most of those elements could be expanded to many paragraphs. Arguments in different fields look different, but they all consist of answers to just these five questions: 74 :: CHAPTER 6 : PLANNING YOUR ARGUMENT • What are you claiming? What are your reasons? • What evidence supports your reasons? • But what about other points of view? • How are your reasons relevant to your claim? Your storyboard should answer those questions many times, paper will seem thin and unconvincing. 7: Planning a First Draft 7.1 Unhelpful Plans to Avoid 7.2 Create a Plan That Meets Your Readers' Needs 7.2.1 Converting a Storyboard into an Outline 7.2.2 Sketch a Working Introduction 7.2.3 Identify Key Terms That Unite Your Paper 7.2.4 Find the Key Terms Distinctive to Each Section 7.2.5 Order Your Sections by Ordering Your Reasons 7.2.6 Sketch a Brief Introduction to Each Section and Subsection 7.2.7 Sketch in Evidence and Acknowledgments Once you assemble your argument, you might be ready to write your draft. But experienced writers know that the time they invest in planning a draft more than pays off when they write it. Some plans, however, are better than others. Organize a Writing Group Jfjj^ji' jiSyen't done it yet, now is tfielMe tp:d;r|[^ .. isto^fiye ciassmates'(np more). If you already have: a group, now isthe time: to '.. get to work seriously. Plan to meetonccv'or; if .your/deadline isneaf/twice- a week; Have an agenda thatjreflects yoiir.stageiji.the process of research and ; ^writing! Start every meeting with elevatprst6riSs;(se&3.2.3): If your storyboard:' "5 =tnrfir.i-tn f.-i ip. brir.-ir no*:-? ".)?etir,-. A'.lhr.-uf.h roEMp/.i";;' siigges-; ::\|jpris::afe; always welcome, youE;:g6:ai^e^ly;;pn";^ willing to :; i :iisteni^nd;:resporid to your idea§SThe;s6^ of your !VTttilid::0ii3:m:te light of*d&)Ethe;-b£t^ . unbars land them. 7.1 Unhelpful Plans to Avoid Do not organize your report in any of these three ways: 1. Do not organize it as a story of your research, especially not as a mystery, with your claim revealed at die end. Readers care about what you found, not every step it took you to get there. You see signs of that in language like The first issue was . .. Then I compa red ... Finally I conclude ... 2, Do not patch together quotations, summaries of sources, or downloads from the web. Teachers want to see your thinking, not that of others. They really dislike reports that read like a collage of web screens. Do that, and you'll seem not only an amateur but, worse, a plagiarist (see 10.3). 76 :: CHAPTER 7: PLANNING A FIRST DRAFT 3. Do not mechanically organize your paper around the terms of your assignment or the most obvious elements of your topic. If your assignment lists issues to cover, don't think you must address them in the order given. If you decide to compare and contrast Freud's and Jung's analyses of the imagination, avoid organizing your report in the two most obvious parts, the first on Freud, the second on Jung. Break those two big topics into their parts, then organize your report around them. 7.2 Create a Plan That Meets Your Readers' Needs Some fields require a preset plan for a report. Readers in the experimental sciences, for example, expect reports to follow some version of this: introduction—Methods and Materials—Results—Discussion—Conclusion If you must follow a preset plan, ask your instructor for a model. But if you are left to create one on your own, it must not only make sense to readers; it must be visible to them. To create a visible form, go back to your storyboard or outline. 7.2.1 Converting a Storyboard into an Outline Your best tool for planning a draft is your storyboard. But if you prefer to work from an outline, you can turn your storyboard into one: Start with a sentence numbered I that states your claim. Add full sentences under it numbered II, III..., each of which states a reason from the top of a reason page in your storyboard. Under each reason, use capital letters to list sentences summarizing your evidence; then list by numbers the evidence itself. For example (the data are invented for the illustration): I. Introduction: Value of classroom computers for writingis uncertain. II. Different uses have different effects. A. All uses increase number of words produced. 1. Study 1:950 vs. 780 2. Study 2: 1,103 vs. 922 B. Labs allow students to interact. III. Studies show limited benefit on revision. A. Study A: writers on computers are more wordy. 1. Average of 2.3 more words per sentence 2. Average of 20% more words per essay B. Study B: writers need hard copy to revise effectively. 1. 22% fewer typos when done on hard copy vs. computer screen 2. 2.26% fewer spelling errors CreateaPlanThatMeetsYaurReaders'Needs 77 IV. Conclusion: Too soon to tell how much computers improve learning. A. Few reliable empirical studies B. Little history because many programs are in transition 7.2.2 Sketch a Working Introduction Write your introduction twice; write a sketchy one now for yourself and a final one for your readers after you've revised your draft and know what you have written. That final introduction usually has four parts, so you might as well build your working introduction to anticipate them. Create a Four-Part Scheme for Your Introduction : For now; think ofyour.intrpducdon: ashaying: these parts: I. C.:ni-nrSituation(whatyour^readers'now\thinkbrdo) : • ; :2: ■■ Research Questiori'i^fet^^ to' know but don't) '.■ S.'v,:;i:i..'aii'-e d:< Oucsrrr. :'vcur aiiswsr to 'lo •.i::!.;t:'; 4. Answrr (v/hst yni,r readers s'".";li1 r;':*i'.°; : (We explain these parts more fully^n;13>1.) Jn-this section we explain how to j v, sketch them in your storybBS^ If you followed our earlier suggestion, you have written your main claim at the bottom of the first page of your storyboard. Now fill in the page above it with what leads up to that claim. 1. At the top of the page state the Current Situation that your question will disrupt. Since the centerpiece of your introduction is your disruptive research question, you first have to offer readers something for your question to disrupt. Briefly state what your readers (or others) believe that you will challenge with your question (you might review the examples in 2.4). Think of this as die first half of a contradiction: I used to think ..,, but... Most people think ..., but... What events seem to show is ..., but... Researchers have shown ..., but... For example, you might set up a question about the Alamo by asking readers to think about its status as a national legend. You can state that in terms of what you believed before you began your research (I used to think . . .) I always thought of the Battle of the Alamo as a major event in our nation's history. 78 :: CHAPTER 7: PLANNING A FIRST DRAFT what others believe {Most people think . . .) The Battle of the Alamo has always been treated as a major historical event, not only in history textbooks but in popular culture as well. an event or situation (What events seem to show is . . .) In 2004 the blockbuster film The Alamo was nominated for the Harry Award for promoting the public understanding of a historical event. That film was a remake of a 1960 film by the same name, which was nominated for seven Oscars and won one. what other researchers have found {Researchers have shown . . .') What really happened at the Alamo is well known. Historians have uncovered almost every detail relevant to understanding the true Alamo story. If you are ambitious, you can make this part of your introduction a literature review in which you summarize the major research leading up to your paper. If so, do not cover all the sources you find. Instead, summarize only those whose findings you intend to extend, modify, or correct. Under that, rephrase your Research Question as a statement about what we don't know or understand in light of the Current Situation. Since this is the second half of the contradiction, it should start with ha or however. Research Question: Why has the story of the minor regional battle at the Alamo become a national legend? Problem Statements: I always thought of the Battle of the Alamo as a major event in our nation's history. But the Alamo was a minor regional battle that somehow became a national legend. What really happened at the Alamo is well known. Historians have uncovered almost every detail relevant to understanding the true Alamo story. But few historians have tried to explain why this minor regional battle has become so important in our national mythology. li Writers do this in many ways, so as you read, note how your sources do it, then use them as models. Next, if you can, explain the Significance of your question by answering So what if we don't find out? If we can explain how the Alamo became a national legend, we can better understand how American culture has fostered a feeling of national unity in a diverse population that shares relatively little history. Create a Plan That Meets Your Readers'Heeds 79 At this point in your career, you may find any larger significance to your answer hard to imagine. If so, you can state the significance in terms of the themes of your class: If we can explain how the Alamo became a national legend, we can better understand the issues of American identity and diversity. If that doesn't work for you yet, don't dwell on it. We'll return to it in 13.1.3. 4. Revise your claim as the Answer to the question, in terms that match those of the first three parts: The Alamo became a national legend not because it was important to the history of the United States or even to the history of Texas, but because it reflected both the traditional virtue of heroic self-sacrifice and the frontier virtue of self-reliance. For now, you should leave that answer at the bottom of the introduction page of your storyboard. Later you might decide to move it from the end of the introduction to the conclusion so that your paper can build up to it as a climax. That's generally a bad idea, but you can confront that issue later. Don't Fear Giving Away Your Answer ^Sdrherteferfe^ :;!ductiohf reader ;: themselves! Vwilfwaht; to see'hqWweiliydh-c^ 7.2.3 Identify Key Terms That Unite Your Paper Readers will feel that your paper is coherent only if you repeat a few key concepts that run through all of its parts. But readers may not recognize that you have repeated those concepts if you use lots of different words to name them. Suppose, for example, you were writing a paper about white artists "covering" African American music in the 550s and '60s. Your paper would have as one organizing theme the concept of fairness. But readers might miss the connection if you use too many different words and phrases to name it: fair use, reasonable economic benefits of their work, social equity, similar access to radio play, exclusive concert venues, recording contracts that are unfavorable to artists, unequal economic power. Although these all relate to your theme of fairness, readers might not make that connection in each case. You would help them if more of those references included your key term fair: not economic benefits of their ao " CHAPTER 7 : PLANNING A FIRST DRAFT work, but fair economic return for their work; not similar access to radio play, but fair and equal access to radio play. Your readers need to see one specific term that repeatedly refers to each concept that serves as an organizing theme for your paper, not every time you mention the concept, but often enough that readers can't miss the connection. Before you start drafting, identify the key concepts that you intend to run through your whole report. For each concept, select one term that you will use most often. As you draft, you may find new themes and drop some old ones, but you'll write more coherently if you keep your most important terms and concepts in the front of your mind. How to Identify Global Concepts to Unite the Whole Paper : 1. ;'C)n the ihtroduetibn and conclusion pages of your storyboard, circle four-}■ ■ orfiya Words that name your key concepts. You-should find those words ■ :.;m-yburclaim; :!:-' "'■ V Ignore words obviously connected to your topic:Alarne, batfje, Jri ~7:' Fpcusortconceptsth'aty^ /''."'■:.::■':■::" an4so:pn'::':j::r:;:'-^;.::::-:':' ''•Sff-f^:-^ :. 2.::: Epr each rcoi.-H i, y-lccl -in- l-.'rn: th.-r yp;u:qan:rtffi;t^^ ; of your paper. It.can be" one of yourcircied'wofds or a'newotie.lf.you find ■ •■few words that can serve as key terms, your claim'may be too genera!- ' ' ■■((review 5:3:2); -; :-:;;* -■'K;';:SV:- As you draft, keep a list of those terms in front of you. They will help you keep yourself—and therefore your readers—on track. If you find yourseli drafting two or more pages without those terms, don't just wrench your self back to using them. You might be discovering a new trail that's worth following. Find the Key Terms Distinctive to Each Section ) Now do the same thing for each section: Find the key terms that unify the section and distinguish it from the others. Circle the important words in the reason at the top of each reason page. Some of them should be related to the words circled in the introduction and conclusion. The rest should identify concepts that distinguish that section from all the others. If you cannot find key terms to distinguish a section, think hard about what that section contributes to the whole. Readers may think it repetitive or irrelevant. Even if papers in your field don't use subheads, we recommend that you Create a Plan That Meets Your Readers'Needs :: 31 use them in your drafts. Create a subhead for each section out of the key terms you identified in that section. If your field dislikes subheads, use them to keep yourself on track, then delete them from your last draft. ,2.5 Order Your Sections by Ordering Your Reasons When you first assemble your argument, you don't have to put your reasons in any special order (one benefit of a storyboard). But when you plan a draft, you must choose an order drat meets your readers' needs. Some Standard Principles of Order -iXfrren(you'refloesure-to dptibhs. v You can choose orders thatreflect what's -out there": ' Chronological. ". hif.• easiest, from earlier to laler,:ot vice versa.' \ . Part by part.!: you analyze your topieby :»s rn:;;s.omt:i •.:!••:]! ::y !!:;!; :;:'l:\;-relatibhshipfp;p Other orders refit-r t the- •w-ds r>{ vour rf sdfrs: Short to long, simple to complex; Most readers prefer to deal with sirh--i'-;- pier%suesbefore' theywork;fhrpugri-:mbre .. • More familiar to less familiar. Most readers prefer to: read what theykriow :-' nhont be'orc- fho-y *<■-.?. \v~.n-': new. :^S;V'V -~p=---y ■■■/■/i.-':.: ■ Most acceptable to most contestable. Most readers move more easily frprrrwhat they-agree .. ...:;fi;;V-: ■ Less important to more important (or vice versa). Most readers prefer to. cover .raore.rmpo.rtant reasons first (but those reasons :n,-:v :i:vt more :::;::... -impact whehthey ebjnelasfj;.'. ]■ .Step-by-step understanding, Readers inay need you to explain some ■j-V. events, prir.c-p.es, daimitiens, auu so on be:o:e they ate re^ciy to u:i:ior- stand what's most irnportant: '.;(:-:M?--. - To test an order; brea'te-cme paragraph feat-includes just^ :order you wan: to test;.If that paragraph reads like a cor.vir.cr.jj elevator \ . story (test itdn:ypur writing group or a friend); then you have round a iigahle'-;; : Order. ..'."'SL-: :.yi... .::: y::;L/....:: :;.::;:::aL -. :%s:: Often the principles cooperate: what readers agree with and most easily understand might also be shortest and most familiar. But they may also conflict: reasons that readers understand most easily might be the ones they reject most quickly; what you think is your most decisive reason might to readers seem least familiar. No rules here, only principles of choice. Whatever order you choose, it should be one that meets your readers' needs, not the order in which ideas occurred to you. 82 :: CHAPTER 7: PLANNING A FIRST DRAFT 7.2.6 Sketch a Brief Introduction to Each Section and Subsection Just as your paper needs an introduction that frames what follows, so does each section. This introductory segment should end with a sentence express ing the point of that section (usually a reason). That sentence should also mention the key concepts for that section. 7.2.7 Sketch in Evidence and Acknowledgments Flesh out the parts of each section by filling in the storybook page for each major reason. Remember that a section may include sub-points that must be supported by mini sub-arguments. evidence. Most sections consist primarily of evidence supporting reasons, so sketch the supporting evidence at the bottom of each reason page. If you have different kinds of evidence supporting the same reason, group and order them in a way that makes sense to your readers. explanations of evidence. You may have to explain your evidence ■ where it came from, why it's reliable, how it supports a reason. Usually, these explanations follow the evidence, but you can sketch them before, if that seems more logical. acknowledgments and responsbs. Imagine what readers might object to and where, then sketch a response. Responses are typically sub-arguments with at least a claim and reasons (Some researchers have said . .., but I believe__because . . .); they often include evidence and maybe even a second response to an imagined objection to your first response. Writers in different fields arrange these elements in slighdy different ways, but the elements themselves and their principles of organization are the same in just about every field or profession. And in every research report, regardless of field, you must order the parts of your argument not just to reflect your own thinking, but to help your readers understand it. QUI CK TIP Save the Leftovers ......... Once you havea-plan.-youshould discover-that you have materialthatdoesn'f ? l:lhue it. Thai's ,< hoik; th'::-f,: reseat', h iv. l!I:r r.iariiv.-ici. :r.;iviio—y~u iur/i.- :o ■;; dig up a tot of dirt to-tt youilsftbvsrsv Ifyouo . 'don't have ahy,ygu haven't;done enpugii-i&e'arch: ■ .. Resist the temptation to shoehorn the leftoyers into your reportj thinking ... that if you found itjypur readers should read it. File them away for future use. T.ipy nay contain the u cis ■)! viothei provvt. 8: Drafting Your Paper 8.1 Draft in a Way That Feels Comfortable 8.2 Picture Your Readers Asking Friendly Questions 8.3 Be Open to Surprises and Changes 8.4 Develop Productive Drafting Habits 8.5 Work through Writer's Block 8.6 Preparing an Oral Report 8.6.1 Prepare Notes, Not a Script 8.6.2 Write Out a Complete Introduction and Conclusion 8.6.3 Make the Body of Your Notes an Outline Many inexperienced writers think that once they have an outline or story-board, they can just write it up, grinding out sentences for a draft. And if you've followed our advice to write as you gather evidence, you may think that you can plug that exploratory writing into your draft. Experienced writers know better. They know that thoughtful drafting is an act of discovery that an outline or storyboard may prepare them for, but can never replace. So they don't expect to reuse their early writing without change or to follow their storyboard mindlessly. In fact, most writers don't know what they can think until they see it appear on the page before them. You'll experience one of the most exciting moments in research when you discover yourself writing out ideas that you did not know you had. So don'tlookat drafting asjusttranslatingyour storyboard into words. Think of it as an opportunity to discover what your storyboard has missed. 8,1 Draft in a Way That Feels Comfortable Experienced writers draft in different ways. Some are slow and careful: they have to get every paragraph right before they start the next one. But to do that, they need a specific, complete plan. So if you draft slowly, plan carefully. Other writers let the words flow, skipping ahead when they get stuck, omitting quotations, statistics, and so on that they know they can plug in later. If ........they are stopped by a trivial stylistic issue like whether to write out a number in words or numerals, they insert a [?] and keep going until they run out of gas, then go back and fix it. But quick drafters need time to revise. So if you draft quickly, start early. Most experienced writers draft quickly, then revise extensively. If you don't yet know which is your best method, start with that. But you should draft in whatever way works for you, so go slow if you feel you must. What you can't do is wait until the day before your paper is due: If you draft slowly, you won't finish; if you draft quickly, you'll turn in a half-baked mess. 34 :: CHAPTER 8: DRAFTING YOUR PAPER Picture Your Readers Asking Friendly Questions We said this before, but it's important enough to say again: You will write better and more easily if you picture yourself talking with a group of friendly readers who have lots of questions. Before you start drafting, imagine the specific readers you hope to address (not your teacher!). Imagine their questions, and build your draft around your answers. For now, think of those readers as friendly and supportive: Why do you say that? I think I see where you are going, but I'm not sure: can you explain it a little more? That's interesting: what's your evidence for it? While you are drafting, imagine readers whose questions help you move along, who want to agree with you if only you will give them the information they need. Especially if you draft quickly, you need to quiet your own internal censor while you draft. Your goal is to get your ideas down as fully and freely as you can. You'll have time and (in chapters 12-14) lots of help to get them right in revision. But if you worry over every little detail, you'll spend more time in responding to that voice in your head than in discovering what you think about what you have learned. So let your imagined friendly readers dominate as you draft. Later on you'll imagine skeptical, even nasty questions so that you can know where you have to improve your completed draft. But for now, banish the skeptics. WORKING IN GROUPS Avoid Negative Responses jiotfyaii^ba ytuTO-iflhS >j;the)dr£rtM^ ;v:yibUsv rfnrsr. You will find people r*ere who hnvc worivrl with fvpry kind of :>:o;:i::S:i«.i:of ai;:'blocked w:;U'i .Hid i\:n t.i:l«>: fin i: litlvkv to yt.':!i prbBle'm, *f Preparing an Oral Report :: 87 (.>!> the other hand, some-cases of writer's, block-are opportunities1 to let your idcfis sj::i::;: ir. you: •.;jbcct.s-.''::;...i wfi:l<>y :.on;ti::e and ;eco'ub:i;i.-into sornpfhrr.f; r.pv; and surprivr.r;. 'i you're stuck nni Daw r:rne brother ir:sor> to *fr.rt iVtriy), r.o ?rm?frring o'se for n dayortwo. Ihc'-; rp*s;r>'! -o the-task to- see if you can get :backon: track. y.:: S.6 Preparing an Oral Report It will not be until you are ready to draft that you can even think of giving an oral report to your class. Before then, you will have too little to say and you will be too unsure of what you do have. But you can learn a great deal from giving an oral report as you.draft. It cannot be the same kind of report you give after you have completed your paper (see 13.4), but it can be a useful exercise. At this point, your oral report should have two goals: (1) to force you to formulate a coherent forecast of what you final paper will say, so that you can discover whether it makes as much sense when you say it as when you just think it; and (2) to test your ideas through the responses of your classmates. In particular, a report at this state should do three things: Present your research question and answer/claim. Outline your reasons and sub-reasons supporting that claim. Forecast the kind of evidence you will use to support those reasons. 8.6.1 Prepare Notes, Not a Script Most of us are at least a little anxious at the idea of speaking before a group, and you're likely to be a tad more anxious at the idea of presenting a paper you have not yet written. Many students think that the cure for that anxiety is to write out a script for their presentation, so that they can just read rather than remember and think. That's generally a bad idea. You don't have the time to do all that extra writing, and no one wants to sit while you read it. Instead of a script, prepare good notes that include the following; a complete introduction and conclusion your reasons, in order, in large bold type for each reason, a bulleted list of your two or three best bits of evidence, named but not explained 8.6.2 Write Out a Complete Introduction and Conclusion There are two parts of your presentation that you must get right: your introduction, which prepares listeners for what's coming, and your conclusion, which tells them what to remember. Because they are so important, these are the only two parts for which you should write a script that you rehearse. You 8.6.3 S8 CHAPTER S: DRAFTING YOUR PAPER don't need to memorize them, but you should rehearse enough that you can deliver them with only a few glances at your notes. That way, you will get off to a confident start, which will improve the rest of your performance, and you will end with a confident dose, which will improve how your audience remembers your report (and your performance of it). If you have been filling your storyboard as you go, you have there a sketch of a working introduction and some notes on a conclusion. Write them out in language to be spoken. Except for necessary technical terms, do not use any words that you will feel uncomfortable saying or that make you sound like a textbook. State your research question as clearly as you can. Be sure to end with your answer. In between, do what you can to explain the significance of your research question. Make the Body of Your Notes an Outline Concentrate on reasons in the body of your presentation. Use them to organize your notes and put them in big bold type. These are the sentences you must be sure to say. For everything else, adapt to your audience: spend time on what seems to engage them; skip what doesn't. But do cover each reason. And just before you conclude, run through your main reasons in order: this is the best summary of your argument. If you have time, present some of your best evidence, especially for reasons that your audience is unlikely to accept right off. But at this stage, your report should be focused on your problem, its answer, and your reasons supporting that claim. Communicate them clearly, and you will have done a fine job. 9: Quoting, Paraphrasing, and 9.1 When to Quote, Paraphrase, or Summarize 9.2 Creating a Fair Summary 9.3 Creating a Fair Paraphrase 9.4 Adding Quotations to Your Text 9.5 Introducing Quotations and Paraphrases 9.6 Mixing Quotation with Summary and Paraphrase 9.7 Interpret Complex Quotations Before You Offer Them You should build most of your paper out of your own words that represent your own thinking, but that thinking should be supported by quotations, paraphrases, and summaries of information you found in sources. In fact, new researchers typically find almost all of their evidence in sources. So it is crucial not only that you fully integrate the information from sources into your argument but that you present it in ways that lead your readers to trust it. For that you must know what readers expect, what choices you have, and how those choices lead readers to draw conclusions about your sources and about you. 9.1 When to Quote, Paraphrase, or Summarize You can present information from a source in the source's words or in your own. Which you choose depends on how you plan to use the information in your argument, but also on the kind of paper you are writing, since different fields use quotation, paraphrase, and summary in different proportions. In general, researchers in the humanities quote most often. Social and natural scientists typically paraphrase and summarize. But you must decide each case for itself. Principles for Choosing Summary, Paraphrase, or Quotation . .sSulr^arwe^lieW :.::wafflafit:rhV%!aeei^ i^araj^rase'W^rty&v^ d;thfin.fhe^ /(goVii:ee:bute Thfe^UdtsS Words ffltfi thern^ia'Sly ^ 11: Presenting Evidence in Tables and Figures 11.1 Choosing Verbal or Visual Representations 11.2 Choosing the Graphical Form That Best Achieves Your Intention 11.3 Designing Tables and Figures 11.3.1 Tell Readers What Your Graphic Shows 11.3.2 Keep the Image as Simple and Informative as Its Content Allows At an early stage in your development as a researcher, you are unlikely to have assignments that require you to collect and report large sets of numerical data. But if you do, your readers will grasp those complex numbers most easily if you present them graphically rather than in words. You can present the same numerical data in different graphic forms, but some forms will suit your data and message better than others. In this chapter, we show you how to choose the right graphic form and to design it so that readers can see both what your data are and how they support your argument. Wetise: theterm graphics.to name, all yisual.images offered 'as:evidehSe;T¥adi-': U'.:::sl!y, graphics are divided into taM'er, and 'iavirs '• ::^:'vJ;:-:^;taM^ris; a;::grid with columns ;anjd rows that present (Ja^-^;rlS^%KS^:';:f.. ' Figures are all other, graphiciorms, ir.ckidin;; ^-spis, cr.-r.r., p'-icroj-rnphf. ;:v;;::>^awihg^ • .■.■g;:;;.;;:^^ /::Fr^res;fflati presehtr^uififitafive dat£ are dislded; in%-t*o.ki^ :>\^:Ch;a.rte cirdes;;:poirKs,;dr:p :,:Qtap& 11.1 Choosing Verbal or Visual Representations Few new researchers work with the kinds of data that are best presented graphically. So chances are that you can present your data in sentences rather than in tables or charts. Readers can understand numbers like these without the help of graphics: Choosing trie Graphical Form That Best Achieves Your Intention :: 105 You need graphics only when readers have to deal with more than five or six numbers, particularly if they have to compare them. For example, most readers would struggle to see the important relationships among the numbers in a passage like this: Between 1970 and 2000, the structure of families changed in two ways. In 1970, 85 percent of families had two parents, but in 1980 that number declined to 77 percent, then to 73 percent in 1990, and to 68 percent in 2000. The number of one-parent families rose, particularly families headed by a mother. In 1970, 11 percent of families were headed by a single mother. In 1980, that number rose to 18 percent, in 1990 to 22 percent, and to 23 percent in 2000. Single fathers headed 1 percent of the families in 1970,2 percent in 1980,3 percent in 1990, and 4 percent in 2000. Families with no adult in the home have remained stable at 3-4 percent. Such data are best presented graphically. For most of you, our advice is to avoid graphics and stick to words, at least at first. You have enough to keep in mind in learning how to get the words right. But if you do have to present data too complex for words, this chapter will show you how. 11.2 Choosing the Graphical Form That Best Achieves Your Intention When you graphically present data as complex as that paragraph above, you can choose a table, a bar chart, or a line graph. Each communicates something different to readers. A table seems precise and objective. It emphasizes individual numbers and forces readers to figure out relationships or trends (unless you state them in an introductory sentence): Table 11.1: Changes in family structure, 1970-2000 Percentage of total families Family type 1970 1980 1990 2000 2 parents 85 77 73 68 mother 11 18 22 23 father 1 2 3 .... 4 no adult 3 4 3 4 Charts and line graphs communicate specific values less precisely than a table, but their images communicate their message quickly and with greater impact. They also have different effects: In 1996, on average, men earned $32,144 a year, women, $23,710—a difference of $8,434. A bar chart emphasizes comparisons among discrete items that can be seen at a glance. 106 CHAPTER 11: PRESENTING EVIDENCE IN TABLES AND FIGURES 90 - 9 70 s & so 15 2 50 0 S 40 1 50 20 10 0 85 77 □2 parents □mother □father nno adult 73 1370 1980 1990 2000 Figure 11.1: Changes in family structure, 1970-2000 A line graph emphasizes the story of trends over time: 2 parents m 70 1 60 73 50 o £ 40 o I30 10 0 1970 19S0 1990 2000 Figure 11.2: Changes in family structure, 1970-2000 ^ Decide on the effect you want, then choose the graphic that fits. Do not choose the first form that comes to mind or the one you found in your source. Your Software Likes Your Graphics Fancy, Your Readers Like Them Simple :)'-&ur:'c'r^ >-w.e 'cover here, hut'stick to the .basics: ;Onless,you havfe; Ibtflbf) eXpenehce- cite"'; : ■attng'gr^hi.cs,;;TW!tyour 'choices^tp«table'S) bar charts'^hd-fine: graphs. Even-: . if you- have: experience,- avoid mostcf the choices'-youf'.software allow$; no' Designing Tables and Figures :: 107 merely decorative colors, no:3-D graphics, ■nd.'.faricy graphics' whena'simple. oi:e v;i:i do. You don °l impicve vojr report with graphics'that look daizlih'g ::lkitcpnfuse:brdjslract;r^ 11.3 Designing Tables and Figures You use graphics to present quantitative data that serve as evidence in support of your reasons. So you must design them to communicate two things: what the data are and how they support your reason. 11.3.1 Tell Readers What Your Graphic Shows A graphic representing complex numbers rarely speaks for itself. You must introduce and label it so that readers know both what to see in it and how it is relevant to your argument. For example, readers have to study table 11.2 closely to see how it supports its claim: Most predictions about gasoline consumption have proved wrong.c|oim Table 11.2: Gasoline consumption 1970 1980 1990 2000 Annual miles (000) 9.5 10.3 10.5 11.7 Annual consumption (gal.) .... 760.0 760.0 520.0 533.0 To see the connection"; we need a more specific claim, a table tide that better identifies what the numbers represent, highlighting that draws our eye to the most important data, and another sentence that explains how the numbers relate to the claim: Gasoline consumption did not grow as many had predicted.daim Even though Americans drove 23 percent more miles in 2000 than in 1970, they used 32 percent less fuel. Table 11.3: Per capita mileage and gasoline consumption, 1970-2000 1970 1980 1990 2000 Annual miles (000) (% change vs. 1970) Annual consumption (gal.) (% change vs. 1970) 9.5 760.0 10.3 8.4% 760.0 10.5 11.7 10.5% ;l3S3o: 520.0 533.0 (31.5%) pi:6?g: That added information tells readers how to interpret the key data in table 11.3. 108 " CHAPTER 11: PRESENTING EVIDENCE IN TABLES AND FIGURES How to SetUp a Graphic J. Introduce each table or figure with a!sentence that stateshow' the data: ■ supportyour point .include in thatsentenceany specific number thatyou. want readers to focus on. (Thatnumber.roust. also appear in the table or :ij»u:o. v:suu;iy llj-hijgi'.'.cc f pvjj'.b.-c.) 2. Lube: everv tsb'.f- and tiQ-.xd :r. a v;=;y :/.:-it de=cii-ei its data. ■ For a table, the label is called a title and is set flush left above. .. • ?:■) ii thi: '.uK * :•; -,**:"!f!: *i ".rru-i. (c: 'i -tvid' ni:--: :ii-I :T;i;h Iff! below Keep-titles and .-.-.jifi.';:':-; shait hu: riexrrrri'/r fnrxr.f- ;•■> i-.-icr.te exnciiv ' :;;/ ::r#^ : ; qrie,;Dq to :::sibhaiizati^ /But: Effect of-counseling Oft 3. . Put into a table or figure ir.forrnatiori that :ic\ps reader? :-c hew the data ' support your ppint.For example, if numbers in a table show a trend and :: theisize of the'change, matte^ Or if a ;"'; line on a graph changes' in responseto: Sri/influence not mentioned on the ;,raph. A~d :c:-.t :o ;:.e i.-.-ia;.'.'-''.<> v>:p:ai:i i'.. All of the framing elements work to make figure 11.3 easy to understand: (1) The introductory sentence explains what the graph shows and points out not only the trend but what readers should see in it; (2) the lahel tells readers what the data represent; and (3) the inserted callouts explain the important changes in the data. Although reading and math scores initially declined by almost 100 points following redistricting, that trend was substantially reversed by the introduction of supplemental math and reading programs. Designing Tables and Figures :: 109 350 300 1990 1995 2000 2005 Figure 11.3: SAT scores for Mid-City High, 1990-2005 11.3.2 Keep the Image as Simple and Informative as Its Content Allows Some guides encourage you to put as much data as you can in every graphic, and most software encourages you to make them visually complex. But readers want to see only the data relevant to your claim, presented in an image free of distractions. As a new researcher, you can let your software take care of most of the effort in designing your graphics, but you'll have to change several default settings. Follow these guidelines. For all graphics: Don't put a box around a graphic unless you group two or more figures. Never color or shade the background. Plot data on three dimensions only when you cannot display the data in any other way and your readers are familiar with such graphs. For tables: Never divide columns and rows with both horizontal and vertical lines. Use light gray lines in one direction only if a table is complex. For tables with many rows, lightly shade every fifth row. Clearly label rows and columns. Order rows and columns by a principle that lets readers quickly find what you want them to see. Do not automatically choose alphabetic order. Sum totals at the bottom of a column or at the end of a row, not at the top or left. Compare tables 11.4 and 11.5. Table 11.4 looks cluttered and its items aren't helpfully organized: 110 :: CHAPTER 11: PRESENTING EVIDENCE IN TABLES AND FIGURES Table 11.4: Unemployment in major industrial nations, 1990-2000 1990 2001 Change Australia 6.7 6.5 (•2) Canada 7.7 5.9 (1.8) France 9.1 8.8 (-3) Germany 5.0 8.1 3.1 Italy 7.0 9.9 2.9 Japan 2.1 4.8 2.7 Sweden 1.8 5.1 3.3 UK 6.9 5.1 (1.8) USA 5.6 4.2 (1.6) In contrast, table 11.5 is clearer because its title is more informative, th table has less distractin g visual clutter, and its items are organized to let us se patterns more easily. Table 11.5: Changes in unemployment rates of industrial nations, 1990-2000 English-speaking us. non- English speaking nations 1990 2001 Change Australia 6.7 6.5 (0.2) USA 5.6 4,2 (1.6) Canada 7.7 5.9 (1.8) UK 6.9 5.1 (1.8) France 9,1 8.8 (■3) Japan 2.1 4.8 2.7 Italy 7.0 9.9 2.9 Germany 5.0 8.1 3.1 Sweden 1.8 5.1 3.3 For bar charts: Do no tuse grid lines unless the graphic is complex. Make all grid lines light gray. When specific numbers matter, add them to bars or segments. Clearly label both axes. Color or shade bars only to show a contrast. Never use three-dimensional or iconic bars (for example, images of cars to represent automobile production). They add nothing, distort how readers judge values, and look amateurish. Group and arrange bars to give readers an image of an order that matches your point. Designing Tables and Figures :: 111 For example, look at figure 11.4 in the context of the explanatory sentence before it. The items are listed alphabetically, an order that doesn't help readers see the point. Most of the desert area in the world is concentrated in North Africa and the Middle East: 4,000,000 3,500,000' 3,000,000' 2,500,000' 2,000,000-1,500,000-1,000,000 500,000 ■ HB , H ,^ :^ mi A- # ^ . H-v'f! !■.:• ;i.r.xui.i:-.u :i.-,/-ising n to get.affesfi;lobk:at:ybuf can do that i: you revise on hard copy, especially wher yon v/ar.r c.i'.ch the small riet&i-s. So e-.-ir esriy drafts cr.-scre«:i, if you pti fe:. Kir y:r.; will caUh tiiotc errors and get ahettersenseofthe-Structure of yourf eport'if you read at least .one version ofifcoipaper, as your readers will. 'L:>(:^; :£;,:': 12.1 Check Your Introduction, Conclusion, and Claim Your readers must see three things quickly and unambiguously: where your introduction ends where your conclusion begins what sentences in one or both state your main claim 116 :: CHAPTER 12: REVISING YOUR DRAFT To make the first two clearly visible, insert a subhead or extra space between your introduction and body and another between the body and conclusion. To make your main claim clear, underline it. We'll come back to it in chapter 13. Trading Papers . ■ One. of your fTr'afe^ ohs tr: revisfi- wKI is ycr.i: :np;.-,:>ry By II v -::r:<- you nr? :?ady rc n?v:=;f-, yon w v\si:r :ia:.vi well that you can't.reallyread . it: V'Ti caredhly. remember wb^ suggestiprjs.for revision areso (mecHanieah^^ good-memory- ofyour .paper.;: 1 B.'.t youv t-rr.up provide .hi t.-v.-.i ley. ::\y tbby-step(youfirh'e^ : "the revision step:; luic mid :v.-i.lor V!, tri.ir papers ••.villi a colleague. Each of .you should mark up - and. diagnose, the other's: paper. W« ~uarnn:ee that . you'll be be::er d finding whv reeds improvement- in your colleague's .: paper than in v r:r own. But;don't just read and make suggestions. Suggestions are welcpfne'i but ■ vvhiil fist ir.n:r v:i!;i.i:.):!: i« I:.:: oath c: you ;o 20 thrrugh each dia?r..-sticstep with tlx- othe:'s paper. You -an t t:>: 3 r.rci.en: y:ii car.'r fin^^^^M^^'^A^iU1^ 12,2 Make Sure the Body of Your Report Is Coherent Once you frame your report clearly, check its body. Readers will think your report is coherent when they see the following: the key terms that run through your whole report where each section ends and the next begins how each section relates to the one before it what role each section plays in the whole what sentence in each section and subsection states its point what distinctive key terms run through each section To be sure that your readers see those features, check for the following: 1. Did you repeat key terms through your whole report? If readers don't see key terms on each page, they may think your report wanders. If you can't find them, neither will your readers. Circle the key terms in the claim in your introduction and in your conclusion (review 7.2.3). Circle those same terms in the body of your report. Underline other words related to the ideas named by those circled terms. Make Sure the Body of Your Report Is Coherent :: 117 Revise by working those terms into parts that lack them. If you underlined many more words than you circled, change some of them to the circled key terms. If you don't find on every page three or four terms either underlined or circled, you may have strayed too far from your line of reasoning. If so, you have more extensive revising to do. 2. Did you clearly signal the beginning of each section and subsection? If your paper is longer than three or four pages, it will have distinct sections. Even if each section is only two or three paragraphs long, readers must clearly see where one ends and the next begins. For a longer paper, you can use subheads or an extra space to signal new sections. 3. Did you begin each major section with words that signal how that section relates to the one before it? Readers must not only recognize where a section begins and ends, but understand why it is where it is (see 7.2.5-7.2.6). Be sure that you signaled the logic of your order with words such as First, Second, More important, The next issue, Some have objected that, and so on. 4. Did you make clear how each section is relevant to the whole? For each section, ask: What question does this section answer? If a section doesn't help answer one of the questions of argument (review 6.2), ask whether it is relevant. Does it create a context, explain a background concept or issue, or help readers in some other way? If you can't explain how a section relates to your claim, cut it. 5. Did you state the point of each section at the end of a brief opening (or at the end of the section)? If you have a choice, state the point of a section at the end of its opening. Under no circumstances bury the point of a section in its middle. If a section is longer than diree or four pages, you might restate the point at its end, 6. Did you distinguish each section by running key terms through it? Just as some key terms unify your whole report, other key terms unify its sections. To find those terms, repeat step 1 for each section. Find the sentence that expresses its point and identify the key terms that distinguish that section from the others. Then check whether those terms run through that section. If you find none, then your readers might not see what distinct ideas that section contributes to the whole. (You can use those key terms in headings.) 118 :: CHAPTER 12: REVISING YOUR DRAFT 12.3 Check Your Paragraphs Each paragraph should be relevant to the point of its section. And like sections, each paragraph should have a sentence or two introducing it, usually stating its point and including the key concepts that the rest of the paragraph develops. If the opening sentence or sentences of a paragraph do not state its point, then its last one must. Order your sentences by some principle and make them relevant to the point of the paragraph. .Avoid strings of short paragraphs (fewer thahfive lines) or very lbhg' ones:(fdr:: :no:;t f:cl:lr.. thr.r. :u-.i: p-.gi:o:e uil coniiitoi.is thai usk then: to rethink larrer issues. ?\c teacher wants : tp:be tiealcd as a procfreadsr. 13: Writing Your Final Introduction and Conclu sion 13.1 Draft Your Final Introduction 13.1.1 Describe the Current Situation 13.1.2 Restate Your Question as Something Not Known or Fully Understood 13.1.3 State the Significance of Your Question 13.1.4 State Your Claim 13.1.5 Write a New First Sentence 13.2 Draft Your Final Conclusion 13.2.1 Restate Your Claim 13.2.2 Point Out a New Significance, a Practical Application, or New Research 13.3 Write Your Title Last 13.4 Preparing an Oral Report Once you have a complete draft and can see what you have in fact written, you can write your final introduction and conclusion. These two parts of your paper strongly influence how readers read and remember the rest, so it's worth your time to make them as clear as you can. Your introduction has three goals. It should put your research in context; make your readers think they should read your paper; give them a framework for understanding it. Your conclusion has two goals. It should leave readers with a clear idea of your claim; reinforce its importance. 13.1 Draft Your Final Introduction In chapter 7, we suggested that you sketch a working introduction with four steps: 1. Current situation or background. When this summarizes research, it's called a literature review. It puts your project in the context of what is known and thought about your topic and sets up the next step. 2. A statement of your research question. This states what isn't known or understood that your paper will answer. It typically begins with a but, however, or other word signaling a qualification. 120 :: CHAPTER 13; WRITING YOUR FINAL INTRODUCTION AND CONCLUSION 3. The significance of your question. This answers So what? It is key to motivating your readers. 4. Your claim as an answer. This answers your research question. As a way to prepare readers for the rest of your paper, these steps follow a seemingly natural progression: Here's what we think we know. Here's what we don't know. Here's why we need an answer. Here's the answer. But those steps follow another pattern, one that is common not just in research papers but in all types of writing—term papers, essays, business docu ments, and many others. In most academic and professional writing, the pattern that introductions follow is a familiar dramatic one: stability—disruption and danger—resolution. It's a pattern we learned as toddlers, in the form of fairy tales: Once upon a time... Fairy tales begin by "denning a world" so that we know what to expect. When we see Little Red Riding Hood walking through the forest, we know not to expect dragons and we are not surprised when a woodsman shows up. When we learn in another tale that a wise old king has a beautiful daughter but no sons, we don't look for a fairy godmother, but do expect to see knights (and maybe a dragon). But then ... Once we learn about that stable world, the next step is always trouble—a wolf, a talking fish, an evil stepmother, or one of those dragons. And now the dragon's fire ... The main body of a fairly tale is, of course, a story of peril for the main character. Here is where the wolf bares his teeth or the dragon shows his fire. It's the dragon's fire that makes him a problem that must be solved. And they lived happily ever after. In the end, all is well. But that happy ending is brought about not through the efforts of the main character but through the work of a helper with special powers: the burly woodsman, a fairy godmother, the valiant knight. Each move in the fairy tale has a corresponding part in the basic pattern of introductions, and so does each character: The main character is your reader. The dragon is your research question: it disrupts the stable world you describe in the opening. The dragon's fire is the significance of your question: it shows why that question is a problem by showing readers what they lose by not knowing its answer. The helper with special powers? That's you. Once you show readers that they need an answer to your question, you save the day by offering one. Draft Your Final Introduction :: 121 The Dramatic Pattern of Introductions and Fairy Tales The typical introductiohfo a research paper draws SQme.'fifite'atiffl^'.'to-mpti^ • vate readers from the dramatic pattern it shares withfairytales:; Current Situation / Once upon a lime... : The fairy tale defines a stabte;world:that; it will;:disp4pf;^ ^e:re;seareh:p:aper:: :defines;a: current way of thinking;^ ■ ^inadequate,;; ;;:;! • Research Question / But then, the dragon ... The fairy taledisfuptsfts: world with a problem creature; the research p;iper' disrupts the cuiTent way of thinking with a problem question. : Significance of the Question / And now the dragon's fire .. ■ Thefairy tale putsits m#n:character in dan.~.hr; the reseprrh paper shows its ' readers whatfheywilflose^ Answer / And they lived happily ever after. ■in the fairy:tale,:a:heipft : thereby J:edge:{3^arried:!M :: the day; :v«^ ^ /;'i:;:V«':;^ You can see how the pattern works in this abbreviated introduction (each sentence could be expanded to a paragraph or more): Colleges report that binge drinking is increasing. We have long known its practical risks—death, injury, property damage. We also know that Dingers ignore those risks, even after they have been told about them.situotl0„ But no one has yet determined what causes bingers to ignore those known risks: social influences, a personality attracted to risk, or a failure to understand the nature of the risks. q„Estio„ If we can determine why bingers ignore the risks of their actions, we can better understand not only the causes of this dangerous behavior but also the nature of risk-taking behavior in general.SijmjjmnM This study reports on our analysis of the beliefs of 300 first-year college students. We found that students more likely to binge knew more stories of other student's bingeing, so that they believed that bingeing is far more common than it actually is.a,lsloe,- Whether they are conscious of it or not, readers look for those four elements, so you should understand them in some detail. 13.1.1 Describe the Current Situation As a rule, writers begin with the ideas that their own work will extend, modify, or correct. For the kind of projects most beginners undertake, the current situation can be described in a few sentences: 122 CHAPTER 13: WRITING YOUR FINAL INTRODUCTION AND CONCLUSION Drinking has been a part of college life for centuries. From football weekends -o 1 fraternity parties, college students drink and often drink hard. For the most part, we have always thought of this drinking as harmless, part of college high jinks. But colleges are increasingly concerned about the kind of hard drinking called ™j binge drinking. Colleges report that bingeing is on the rise, despite their efforts to teach students about the known risks— death, injury, property damage. Recently Smith (2008) has shown that bingers ignore those risks, even after they have been -- told about them. When advanced students write a report for other researchers, this opening describes more fully a line of research studies that the report will extend or modify. Ever since the first studies by Weber (19S2) and Claus and Stiglitz (1982,1985), colleges have known about the dangers and prevalence of binge drinking. The -earliest research determined the prevalence of bingeing (Wang and Olefson 1988; James 1988; Geoffrey 1989), the gender mix of bingers {Wang 1990; Osborne 1992), and the risks (for a summary, see Mateland 2005).The latest research has focu=ec on the causes and ways to prevent bingeing. Recently Smith (2008) has shown that bingers ignore those risks, even after they have been told about them. Some advanced researchers go on Like that for pages, citing scores of books and articles. Two Alternatives to the Literature Review Earlyin your career, you may not fee! cdnfidentwriting a review: of the prior researchphyburtopic: Butyouhave two easy alternatives,^:: ;% ^ifsiM research.. ■' 'v:; If yr> h-v.-- fc::r;(i one source that can setSp:;ypuf,:re^ :^v&::use"it:afc ::7tiqh2;4,/:vy :'; 2Cv;U:se ^ l:'i:r,;:r:( your :er.dor as corr.crr.s .i.-;e yourself fc«dci2 you ±;n:'.*c. y:.:v.< vS'^se^r^M^^ you can use a working ::ypo;:.t»::.!! tl>i=t y.i-i n-jeci.'l: :i >i:i«!:' s-'?H r'tr* X -y!'rVds'SOVWt:-:;V-/:.:^^ ' ' No one expects a beginner to provide an extensive review of the prior research. But you do have to define some stable context, a way of tlifnking about your issue that your research question will disrupt, improve, or amplify. The four most common sources of this context are these: Draft Your Pinal Introduction :: 123 What you believed before you began your research (/ used to think .. .). What others believe (Most people think ...). An event or situation (What events seem to show is . ..). What other researchers have found (Researches have shown . . .). You have other options. If you find a good one in your reading, use it. But these four are reliable ways to get your paper started. WRITING IN GROUPS Use Your Colleagues'Misunderstandings . I:*y:r.: cai.nu think of a::.' :^.-tsci.a^W stable context to state as your Current1: bi;.u:it;cn. Uin to yo:iv writer ?rri:>r. Ask then: w:i v. !:-.ty think ot your topic ■ Why apyoij-f^m^ It their answer is wror j- ;pr:;faislea^ :.:,de^S:thirikyffiat.;;,:^ V'i:;iS)*""3t'i::^^ 13.1.2 Restate Your Question as Something Not Known or Fully Understood After the opening context, state what is wrong or missing in that current way of drinking. Introduce this step with but, however, or some other term indicating that you're about to modify the received knowledge and understanding that you just described: Drinking has been a part of college. . . . [B]ingers ignore those risks, even after they have been told about them.s,,t,mo„ But no one has yet determined what causes bingers to ignore the known risks: social influences, a personality attracted to risk, or a failure to understand the nature of the risks.questiM restated as what we don't know Note: Although you must build you paper around a research question, you should state it in your introduction not as a direct question—What causes bingeing?—but as an assertion that we don't know something: We don't know what causes bingeing. 13.1.3 State the Significance of Your Question Now you must show your readers the significance of answering your research question. Imagine a reader asking that vexing question, So what?, then answer it. Frame your response as a larger cost of not knowing the answer to your research question: Drinking has been a part of college.... [Bjingers ignore those risks, even after they have been told about them.sinia[,0„ But no one has ... or a failure to understand the nature of the risks.ouestiutkey:actrOT nouns.; '• 4. I'ut information familiar to readers at the beginnmgof a jeiitctxe. nev.' ^j'ii'-'iirifQrm ... \{\5l\Z-^'^A-t^AZ'i^^Wtioiy phrases: get to a short, famif iaf)suhject> qM Those principles add up to this: Readers want to get past a short, concrete, familiar subject quickly and easily to a verb expressing a specific action. When you do that, the rest of your sentence will usually take care of itself. To diagnose your own writing, look for those characteristics in it. Skim the first seven or eight words of every sentence. Look closely at sentences that don't meet those criteria, then revise them as follows. 14.1.1 Make Subjects Short and Concrete Readers must grasp the subject of a sentence easily, but can't when the subject is long, complex, and abstract. Compare these two sentences; (the whole subjects in each are underlined; the one-word simple subject is boldfaced): 3a. A school system's successful adoption of a new reading curriculum for its elementary schools depends on the demonstration in each school of the commitment of its principal and the cooperation of teachers in setting reasonable goals. 3b. A school system will successfully adopt a new reading curriculum for elementary schools only when each principal demonstrates that she is committed to it and teachers cooperate to set reasonable goals. Focus on the First Seven or Eight Words of a Sentence 131 In (3a) the whole subject is fourteen words long, and its simple subject is an abstraction—adoption. In (3b), the clearer version, the whole subject of every verb is short, and each simple subject is relatively concrete: sdiool system, each principal, she, teachers. Moreover, each of those subjects performs the action in its verb: system will adopt, principal demonstrates, she is committed, teachers cooperate. The principle is this: Readers tend to judge a sentence to be readable when the subject of its verb names the main character in a few concrete words, ideally a character that is also the "doer" of the action expressed by the verb that follows. But there's a complication: You can often tell clear stories with characters that are not people. Those characters can be entities such as "school system" in (3b) or "athletics" in (4): 4. Athletics debases a college's educational mission only when it overstimu-lates the passions of alumni and others who no longer need an education but do need a source of meaning in their lives. Or they can be purely abstract characters: 5. No skill is more valued in the professional world than problem solving. The ability to solve problems quickly requires us to frame situations in different ways and to find more than one solution. In fact, effective problem solving may define general intelligence. Few readers have trouble with those abstract subjects, because they're short and familiar: no skill, the ability to solve problems quickly, and effective problem solving. What gives readers trouble is an abstract subject that is long and unfamiliar. To fix sentences with long, abstract subjects, revise in three steps: Identify the main character in the sentence. Find its key action, and if it is buried in an abstract noun, make it a verb. Make the main character the subject of that new verb. For example, compare (6a) and (6b) (actions are boldfaced; verbs are capitalized): 6a. Without a means for analyzing interactions between social class and education in regard to the creation of more job opportunities, success in understanding economic mobility will remain limited. 6b. Economists do not entirely understand economic mobility, because they cannot analyze how social class and education interact to create more job opportunities. 132 - CHAPTER 14: REVISING SENTENCES In both sentences, the main character is economists, but in (6a) that character isn't the subject of any verb; in fact, it's not in the sentence at all: we must infer it from actions buried in nouns: analyzing and understanding (what economists' do). We revise (6a) into (6b) by making the main characters (economists, social class, and education) subjects of action verbs (understand, analyze, interact, and create). Readers want subjects to name the main characters in your story, ideally flesh-and-blood characters, and verbs to name their key actions. 14.1.2 Avoid Interrupting Subjects and Verbs with More than a Word or Two Once past a short subject, readers want to get to a verb quickly, so avoid splitting a verb from its subject with long phrases and clauses: 7a. Some economists, because they write in a style that is impersonal and objective, do not communicate with laypeople easily. In (7a), the because clause separates the subject some economists from the verb do not communicate, forcing us to suspend our mental breath. To revise, move the interrupting clause to the beginning or end of its sentence, depending on whether it connects more closely to the sentence before or after. When in doubt, put it at the end (for more on this see 14.1.4). 7b. Because some economists write in a style that is impersonal and objective, they do not communicate with laypeople easily. This inability to communicate ... 7c. Some economists do not communicate with laypeople easily because they write in a style that is impersonal and objective. They use passive verbs and ... Readers manage short interruptions more easily: 8. Few economists deliberately write in a style that is impersonal antjobjective. 14.1.3 Put Key Actions in Verbs, Not in Nouns Readers want to get to a verb quickly, but they also want that verb to express a key action. So avoid using an empty verb such as have, do, make, or be to introduce an action buried in an abstract noun. Make the noun a verb. Compare these sentences (action nouns are boldfaced; action verbs are capitalized; verbs with little action are underlined): 9a. During the early years of the Civil War, the South's attempt at enlisting Great Britain on its side was met with failure. 9b. During the early years of the Civil War, the South attempted to enlist Great Britain on its side, but it tailed. Focus on tile First Seven or Eight Words of a Sentence " 133 In (9a) three important actions aren't verbs, but nouns: attempt, enlisting, failure. Sentence (9b) seems more direct because it expresses those actions in verbs: attempted, enlist, failed. ■14.1.4 Put Familiar Information at the Beginning of a Sentence, New at the End Readers understand a sentence most readily when they grasp its subject easily, and the easiest subject to grasp is not just short and concrete, but familiar. Compare how the second sentence in each of the following passages does or doesn't "flow": 10a. New questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates a black hole. So much matter squeezed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in odd ways. 10b. New questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point no larger than a marble. So much matter squeezed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in odd ways. Most readers think (10b) flows better than (10a), partly because the subject of the second sentence, A black hole, is shorter and more concrete than in (10a): The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble. But (10b) also flows better because the order of its ideas is different. In (10a) the first words of the second sentence express information that is new to this passage: 10a. ... black holes in space. The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates .,. Those words about collapsing stars seem to come out of nowhere. But in (10b), the first words echo the end of the previous sentence: 10b. ... black holes in space. A black hole is created by... Moreover, once we make that change, the end of that second sentence introduces the third more cohesively: 10b. ... the collapse of a dead star into a point no larger than a marble. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes ... That is why readers think passage (10a) feels choppier than (10b): the end of one sentence does not flow smoothly into the beginning of the next. No principle of writing is more important than this: old before new, familiar information introduces unfamiliar information. 134 CHAPTER 14: REVISING SENTENCES 14.1.5 Avoid Long Introductory Phrases Compare these two sentences (introductory phrases are boldfaced; whole subjects underlined): 11a. In view of claims by researchers on higher education indicating at least one change by most undergraduate students of their major field of study, first-year students seem not well informed about choosing a major field of study. lib. Researchers on higher education claim that most students change their ::< major field of study at least once during their undergraduate careers. If that ■ ■■■ is so, then first-year students seem not well informed when they choose a major. Most readers find (11a) harder to read than (lib), because it makes them work ! through a twenty-four word phrase before they reach its subject (first-year students). In the two sentences in (lib), readers start with a subject either imme-. diately, Researchers , .. , or after a very short delay, If that is so,, .. ■ The principle is this: Start most of your sentences directly with their sub- ■ - ■ jects. Begin only a few sentences with introductory phrases longer than ten.: ■ 1 ... or so words. You can usually revise long introductory phrases and subordinate [ clauses into their own independent sentences as in (lib). 14.1.6 Choose Active or Passive Verbs to Reflect the Previous Principles You may recall advice to avoid passive verbs—good advice, when a passive verb forces you to write a sentence that contradicts the principles we have ■ discussed, as here: 12a. Global warming may have many catastrophic effects. Tropical diseases and destructive insect life even north of the Canadian border could be increasedpasSi„B „wb by this climatic change. That second sentence opens with a twelve-word subject conveying new information: Tropical diseases . . . Canadian border. It is the subject of a passive _ - . verb, be increased, and that verb is followed by a short, familiar bit of information from the sentence before: by this climatic change. That sentence would be clearer if its verb were active: __-___ 12b. Global warming may have many catastrophic effects. This climatic change could increaseactiui. „eTb tropical diseases and destructive insect life even north of the Canadian border. Now the subject is familiar, and the new information in the longer phrase is at the end. In this case, the active verb is the right choice. But if you never make a verb passive, you'll write sentences that contradict the old-new principle. We saw an example in (10a): Pocus on the First Seven or Eight Words of a Sentence :: 13 5 10a. New questions about the nature of the universe havebeen raisedby scientists studyingblack holes in space. The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble createsocH„e a black hole. So much matter squeezed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in odd ways. The verb in the second sentence of (10a) is active, but the passage flows better when it's passive: 10b. New questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole is createdpassiye „erb by the collapse of a dead star into a point no larger than a marble____ Readers prefer a subject that is short, concrete, and familiar, even if you must use a passive verb. So choose active or passive, depending on which gives you the right kind of subject: short, concrete, and familiar. 14.1.7 Use First-Person Pronouns Appropriately Almost everyone has heard the advice to avoid using I or we in academic writing. In fact, opinions differ on this. Some teachers tell students never to use I, because it makes their writing "subjective." Others encourage using J as a way to make writing more lively and personal. Most instructors and editors do agree that two uses of I should be avoided in two specific situations: Insecure writers begin too many, sentences with I think or J believe (or their eqnivalent, ft! my opinion). Readers assume that you think and believe what you write, so you don't have to say so. Inexperienced writers too often narrate their research: First, I considted . . ., Then 1 examined . .., and so on. Readers care less about the story of your research than about its results. But we believe, and most professionals agree, that the first person is appropriate on two occasions. That last sentence illustrates one of them: we believe.. . that the first person ... An occasional introductory 1 (or we) believe can soften the dogmatic edge of a statement. Compare this blunter, less qualified version: 13. But we believe, and most professionals agree, that the first person is appropriate on two occasions. The trick is not to hedge so often that you sound uncertain or so rarely that you sound smug. The second occasion depends on the action in the verb: A first-person I or we is also appropriate as the subject of a verb naming an action unique to you as the writer of your argument: 136 :: CHAPTER 14: REVISING SENTENCES 14. In this report, I will show that social distinctions at this university are ... Verbs referring to such actions typically appear in introductions: I will shove, argue/prove/claim thatX, and in conclusions: Ihave demonstrated/concluded/. Since only you can show, prove, or claim what's in your argument, only you '■ ■ -• 1 can say so with I. On the other hand, researchers rarely use the first person for an action thai others must repeat to replicate the reported research. Those words include ' I divide, measure, weigh, examine, and so on. Researchers rarely write sentences I with active verbs like this: ! i 15a. 1 calculated the coefficient of X. j Instead, they're likely to write in the passive, because anyone can repeat l j calculation: ! i 15b. The coefficient of X was calculated. Those same principles apply to we, if you're one of two or more authors. But many instructors and editors do object to two other uses of we: the royal we used to refer reflexively to the writer the all-purpose we that refers to people in general Not this: 16. We must be careful to cite sources when we use data from them. When we read writers who fail to do that, we tend to distrust them. Finally, though, your instructor decides. If he flatly forbids I or we, then so be it. Read Drafts Aloud . Ybuxan -jesr. j-.:-dr;e how ycr.r avc'.--/-. v.-:!'. .••.':,]:.i.c; re y,y.,i v;.i.i::L. il v:r.: read '' ' '' it aloud^or better( have someone read It back tbyoti.If.that person stumbles ■ ,: ■-.:■ :,ii:::-; to eiro:i,\ you can b:i vc;;i teasers w.i: :i--e v.-'ir pre----' >•=;■? than-" : you^do;>r::r:;:i::yi^ 14.2 Diagnose What You Read Once you understand how readers judge what they read, you also know why so much of what you must read seems so dense. Sometimes you struggle to understand academic writing because its content is difficult. But sometimes you struggle because the writer didn't write clearly. This next passage, for example, is the sort that might be found in any textbook: Choose the Right Word :: 137 17a. Recognition of the fact that systems differ from one language to another can serve as the basis for serious consideration of the problems confronting translators of the great works of world literature originally written in a language other than English. But in half as many words, it means only this: 17b. Once we know that languages have different grammars, we can consider the problems of those who translate great works of literature into English. So when you struggle to understand some academic writing (and you will), don't blame yourself, at least not at first. Diagnose its sentences. If they have long subjects stuffed with abstract nouns, expressing new information, the problem is probably not your inability to read easily, but the writer's inabihty to write clearly. If that is the case, then the tools we've given you for writing clearly will also help you unpack such dense prose. 14.3 Choose the Right Word Another bit of standard advice is Choose the right word. It has two aspects: 1. Choose the word with the right meaning. Affect doesn't mean effect, elicit doesn't mean illicit. Many handbooks list commonly confused words. If you're an inexperienced writer, invest in one. 2. Choose the word with.the right level of diction. If you draft quickly, you risk choosing words that might mean roughly what you think they do, but are too casual for a research report. Someone can criticize another writer or knock him; a risk can seem frightening or scary. Those pairs have similar meanings, but most readers judge the second to be too casual for academic writing. On the other hand, if you try too hard to sound like a real "academic," you risk using words that are too formal. You can think or cogitate, drink or imbibe. Those pairs are close in meaning, but the second in each is too fancy for a report written in ordinary English. Whenever you're tempted to use a word that you think is especially fine, look for a more familiar one. The obvious advice is to look up words you're not sure of. But they're not the problem; it's the ones you're sure of but don't get right that are the problem. Worse, no dictionary tells you that a word like visage or perambulate is too fancy for just about anyone to write. The short-term solution is to ask someone to read your report before you turn it in. The long-term solution is to read a lot, write a lot, endure a lot of criticism, and learn from it. Polish It Off Before you print out your report, proofread it one last time to fix errors grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Many experienced writers proofread ' from the last sentence back to the first to keep from missing die words br-cause you got caught up in the flow. Do not rely solely on your spell-checls It won't catch words that are correcriy spelled but incorrectly used, such -.1 as their-there-they're, it's-its, too-to, acccpt-except, affect-effect, already-all ready; '. i complement-compliment, principal-principle, discrete-discreet, and so on. If you've " \ had that kind of problem before, do a global search to check on both words. Some students think they should worry about the quality of their wrii ing only in an English course. It is true that instructors in courses other than English are likely to focus more on the content of your report than on it* I style. But don't think they'll ignore its clarity and coherence. If a history i art instructor criticizes your report because it's badly written, don't plead: /im j tftis isn't an English course. Every course in which you write is an opportum \ | to practice writing clearly, coherently, and persuasively, a skill that will se -. I you well for the rest of your life. _, j You might now think your job is done. In fact, you have one last task: to ' profit from the comments on your returned paper. 15: Learning from Your Returned Paper 15.1 Find General Principles in Specific Comments 15.2 Visit Your Instructor Teachers are baffled and annoyed when a student looks only at the grade on a paper and ignores substantive comments or, worse, can't be bothered to pick up the paper at all. Since you'll write many research papers in your academic and professional life, it's smart to understand how your teachers make their judgments and how you can use them to do better next time. For that, you need one more plan. 15.1 Find General Principles in Specific Comments When you read your teacher's comments, focus on those that you can apply to your next project: Look for a pattern of errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar. If you see one, make a list so that you know what to work on next time. If your teacher says you made factual errors, check your notes to see why: Did you misreport them? Were you misled by an unreliable source? Whatever you find, you know what to do in your next project. If your teacher says your writing is choppy, dense, or awkward (indicated by AWK or K), check your sentences using the steps in chapter 14. If he says your report is disorganized, check it against chapter 12. You won't always find what caused the complaints, but when you do you'll know what to work on next time. 15.2 Visit Your Instructor If your teacher's comments are mostly impressionistic words like disorganized, illogical, or unsupported and you can't see anything in your paper that earned that criticism, make an appointment to ask. As with every other step in your project, that visit will go better if you plan and even rehearse it. Do this before you talk to your teacher: If your teacher marked up spelling, punctuation, and grammar, correct those errors. The corrections will show that you took his comments seriously. • Jot down your own responses after any comments about your argument to show that you've read them closely. 140 CHAPTER 15; LEARNING FROM YOUR RETURNED PAPER In the office: Don't whine about your grade. Be clear that you want only to understand the comments so that you can do better next time. Focus on the most important comments. Rehearse your questions so that they'll seem amiable: not "You say this is disorganized but you don't say why," but rather "Can you help me see where I went wrong with my organs zation so I can do better next time?" Do not ask "What didn't you like?" but rather "Where did I go wrong and how would I fix it?" If your teacher can't clearly explain his judgment, he may have graded your paper impressionistically. If so, bad news: you may learn little from your visit. 16: On the Spirit of Research As we've said, we can reach good conclusions in many ways other than research: we can rely on intuition, emotion, even spiritual insight. But the truths we reach in those ways are personal. When we ask others to accept and act on them, we can't present our feelings as evidence for them to agree; we can ask only that they take our report of our inner experience—and our claims—on faith. The truths of research, however, and how we reached them must be available for public study. We base research claims on evidence available to everyone and on principles of reasoning that, we hope, our readers accept as sound and relevant. And then we test all of that in every way that we and others can imagine. That may be a high standard, but it must be if we expect others to base their understanding and actions, even their lives, on what we ask them to believe. When you accept the principles that shape public, evidence-based belief, you accept two more that can be hard to live by. One concerns our relationship to authority. No more than five centuries ago, the search for better understanding based on evidence was typically regarded as a threat. Among the powerful, many believed that the important truths were known and that the scholar's job was to preserve and transmit them, certainly not to challenge s them. If new facts cast doubt on an old belief, the belief usually trumped i the facts. Many who dared to follow evidence to conclusions that challenged authority were banished, imprisoned, and on occasion killed. Even today, those who reason from evidence can anger those who hold a cherished belief. For example, some historians claim that, based on the sum of the evidence, Thomas Jefferson probably fathered at least one child by his slave Sally Flemings. Others disagree, not because they have, better counter-evidence, but because of a fiercely held belief: A person of Jefferson's stature couldn't do such a thing. But in the world of research, both academic and professional, good evidence and sound reasoning trump belief every time, or at least they should. In some parts of the world, it's still considered more important to guard settled beliefs than to test them. But in those places informed by the values of research, we think differently: we believe not only that we may question settled beliefs, but that we must, no matter how much authority cherishes them—so long as we base our answers on sound reasons based on reliable evidence. But that principle requires another. When we make a claim, we must expect and even encourage others to question not just our claim but how we 142 CHAPTER 16: ON THE SPIRIT OF RESEARCH reached it, to ask: Why do you believe that!' It's often hard to welcome such cjue tions, but we're obliged to listen with goodwill to objections, reservations and qualifications that collectively imply I don't agree, at least not yet. And the more we challenge old ideas, the more we must be ready to acknowledge and answer those questions, because we may be asking others to give up sonle. thing they cherish. When some students encounter these values, they find it difficult, even painful, to live by them. Some feel that a challenge to what they believe isn't a lively search for truth, but a personal attack on their beliefs, sometimes on their deepest values. Others retreat to a cynical skepticism that doubts everything and believes nothing. Others fall into mindless relativism: We're all entitled to our own beliefs, and so all belkfs are right for those who hold them! Many turn away from an active life of the mind, rejecting not only answers that: might disturb their settled belief but even the questions that inspired them. But in our worlds of work, scholarship, civic action, and even politics, we can't replace tested knowledge and hard-won understanding with personal opinion, a relativistic view of truth, or the comfortable settled knowledge of "authority." That does not mean we reject long-held and time-tested beliefs lightly. We replace them only after we're persuaded by sound arguments backed by good reasons based on the best evidence available, and after an amiable but searching give-and-take that tests those arguments as severely as we can. In short, we become responsiblebdievets when we can make our own sound arguments that test and evaluate those of others. You may find it hard to see all of this at work in a paper written for a class, but despite its cold type, a research report written for any audience is a conversation, imagined to be sure, but still a cooperative yet rigorous inquiry into what we should and should not believe. PART II Citing Sources In part 2, we show you how to create citations that your readers will trust because they are complete, accurate, and in the correct format. Now we know that most of you take no pleasure in this part of your project. Even the most persnickety researchers do not enjoy keeping track of their citations: it demands more attention to detail than most of us want to give. And if citations are tedious for experienced researchers who know what to expect, for beginners they can seem like slow torture. So we understand if you'd rather just skip the citations. But we also know how much citation mistakes can cost you. If you fail to cite what you should, you open yourself to a charge of plagiarism (see chapter 10). If you cite inaccurately, you may lose the trust of readers: If I can't trust you with the small, easy things, then how can I trust you with the more challenging ones? Even a tiny slip in the format of your citations can harm you with the pickiest readers. Of course, at this stage in your career as a researcher, you cannot harm anyone with a bad citation: you do not yet have readers who need to trust you because their well-being depends on the results of your research. But you will. And so your teacher will be as demanding now as she knows your most important readers will be then. Read Me First: How to Use Part 2. .■eitatippstare :Vtra carefufcrfete tedibu^S® felgp?*£): (■get fiirougfi'tt^ Because3iii§Ja®s:can be costjyiffi: ■we want to help; you make' sure you don't slip up. If you loiiov; these step.-:, -you win;gi^ybwself:the bestchSrj^ aeeurij:§;;pf^ (spaj:nlessjySs:(p;os:s^ ■.'■:MM{B'>^i»:SS:-- . 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