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Studie / Articles
“Confessions of the Vietnamese” Facebook Page:
The Intergenerational Conflict of Young Vietnamese
Migrants in the Online Space in the Czech Republic
Marta Lopatková – Lenka Formánková
DOI: 10.21104/CL.2022.1.04
Abstract.
“Confessions of the Vietnamese” is a Facebook community that creates
a space for young Vietnamese migrants to get acquainted with each other,
discuss their daily life experience, and share a wide range of emotions.
Intergenerational conflict is present as a topic in approximately onethird
of the posts on the “Confessions of the Vietnamese” page. Based on
a qualitative analysis of these posts, we have determined what the conflict
zones are, and we have uncovered the intergenerational problems between
parents (first-generation migrants) and their children (1.5 generation and
second-generation migrants), who are often seen by Czechs as the “model”
minority. The language and cultural barrier between these children and
their parents, as well as the parenting style of the Vietnamese, are some of
the key factors causing distance and potential conflict among them. This
often causes misunderstandings on the cultural level which lead to feelings
of frustration and distance between the two generations of migrants.
Key words
second-generation migrants, young, migrant, Vietnamese, Czech Republic,
intergenerational conflict, migration
Acknowledgment
Článek byl napsán s podporou projektu „Modely péče a strategie slaďování
práce a rodiny u migrantů v České republice“ (reg. č. 17-21259S) a s podporou
na dlouhodobý koncepční rozvoj výzkumné organizace RVO: 68378025.
Contact
Mgr. Marta Lopatková, Ústav asijských studií, Filozofická fakulta, Univerzita
Karlova, Nám. Jana Palacha 2, 116 38 Praha 1, Czech Republic; marta.
lopatkova@ff.cuni.cz.
Mgr. et Mgr. Lenka Formánková, Ph.D., Sociologický ústav AV ČR,
v. v. i., Jilská 1, 110 00 Praha 1, Czech Republic; lformankova@gmail.com.
Jak citovat / How to cite
Lopatková, Marta – Formánková, Lenka. 2022. “Confessions of the
Vietnamese” Facebook Page: The Intergenerational Conflict of Young
Vietnamese Migrants in the Online Space in the Czech Republic. Český lid
109: 83–104. https://doi.org/10.21104/CL.2022.1.04
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Introduction
Intergenerational conflict within families from a migrant background is
a phenomenon widely reflected upon in migration studies (see Berry et al.
2006). As the first generation of migrants attempts to keep their cultural
heritage and adhere to traditions, their children, on the contrary, tend to
lean towards the culture of the host country which, among other factors,
often contributes to creating intergenerational conflict (Zhou 2009; 1997).
As a result, children from migrant backgrounds seek opportunities to negotiate
their sense of belonging (Yoon 2018). For children who grow up
in multicultural contexts, digital media facilitate their multicultural sense
of belonging and identity (ibid). The role that parents and their parenting
styles, as well as the role that peer relationships play in cultural integration,
have already been examined by other researchers (e.g., MartinezCallaghan
– Gil-Lacruz 2017; Trieu 2014). However, only limited research
has been conducted on the role of social media as a space for meeting peers
with similar experiences and backgrounds or, additionally, on its role in
discussing the specificities of being raised in a multicultural environment.
The need to make sense of their multicultural upbringing is distinctly
visible in the lives of young Vietnamese in the Czech Republic. Over the
past decade, Facebook has become a widely popular medium within the
Czech Republic. Following the general trend, confession pages have spread
since 2013 across the Czech-language Facebook environment, giving people
a venue to anonymously post confidential secrets (Cyprich 2013). “Přiznání
Vietnamců” (“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)1
, a Facebook page primarily
written in Czech, was followed as of this writing by 22,992 people2
and was
created by Vietnamese students as a space for young 1.5 generation and
second-generation Vietnamese migrants to share a wide range of emotions
and experiences – situations from daily life, hopes, disappointments and
frustrations. Immediately after the page was started in 2013, it received
enormous attention from young Vietnamese and later even from the Czech
majority. It was the very first appearance of a platform for young Vietnamese
on Facebook at the time. According to Freidingerová and Nováková,
these “online exchanges later led to face-to-face meetings” (Freidingerová
– Nováková 2021: 14) and civic activism and engagement among young
Vietnamese. Intergenerational conflict is a frequent topic on “Confessions
of the Vietnamese” (Homoláč – Sherman 2020) and is approached there
with varying emotions. Our article aims to answer the following research
1	https://www.facebook.com/PriznaniVietnamcu/?ref=page_internal
2	 As of 19 December 2021.
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question: What are the sources of the intergenerational conflicts between
the parents and their children that are discussed on the “Confessions of
the Vietnamese” page?
Based on a qualitative analysis of the posts from “Confessions of the
Vietnamese”, we have determined the conflict zones and uncovered the intergenerational
problems between these parents (first-generation migrants)
and their children (1.5 generation and second-generation migrants). The
language barrier between these children and parents and the parenting
style of the Vietnamese are some of the key factors causing distance and
potential multigenerational conflict. That said, we are aware that social
media represent a specific space where a high level of stylization is present
which can influence the style of the posts to the “Confessions” page.
Vietnamese in the Czech Republic and “Banana Kids”
According to the Czech Statistical Office (CSO), the Vietnamese are the
third-largest group of migrants in the Czech Republic. Citizens of Ukraine,
Slovakia and Vietnam make up 55.3% of the total number of foreigners
with a residence permit in the Czech Republic (CSO 2021). The 2001 census
found 17,462 ethnic Vietnamese living in the Czech Republic (CSO
2021). The Vietnamese population has grown very rapidly since then, with
the Czech Statistical Office estimating that there were 62,842 Vietnamese
citizens in the Czech Republic in December 2020 (CSO 2021). Nearly 60%
of Third Country Nationals, including the Vietnamese, have permanent
residence in the Czech Republic (ibid), which reflects their dwelling longterm
in the country. As such families are having children who are born
and/or raised in the Czech Republic, the Vietnamese represent a prominent
share of the foreign nationals in the 1.5 generation and second generation
of the migrant population overall. Data from educational institutions
(CSO 2020) show that the majority of child foreign nationals attending
kindergartens come from Vietnam (27.5%), and the same situation applies
to high schools, where again pupils of Vietnamese origin outnumber other
children of foreign national background. Moreover, they also constitute
one quarter of primary school pupils of foreign national origin (19.9%). The
data about university students are not representative because migrants who
were brought up in the Czech Republic have an opportunity to apply for
Czech citizenship at the age of 18, which makes the population of foreign
national students statistically smaller at university. This indirectly reveals the
distinct integration strategies of Vietnamese families who tend to move to
the Czech Republic permanently and to raise their children there more than
other groups of migrants who are numerous, such as those from Ukraine
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and Slovakia. Recent research on cultural orientation and acculturation
conducted by Hřebíčková (2020) on the Vietnamese population among the
1.5 generation and second generation confirms this assumption, as the data
from the representative survey show both the 1.5 generation and second
generations are oriented towards Czech rather than Vietnamese culture
(ibid). As can be seen in other national contexts, Vietnamese migrants
are considered by the majority as the “model” ethnic minority (Lee 1996)
but, especially in the first generation, the Vietnamese maintain close relations
with relatives in Vietnam and within the Vietnamese diaspora (e.g.,
Dorais 2009). At the same time, the 1.5 generation and second generation
of young Vietnamese are probably the most visible group of migrants in
the Czech Republic.
The first decade of the twenty-first century was an era of new media
and, for young Vietnamese in the Czech Republic, led to the discovery of
a platform for publicly expressing their feelings for the first time. In 2008,
Duong Nguyen Jirásková, later the author of the first book written by a Vietnamese
person in the Czech Republic, published an article on her blog,
“The Double Life of the Banana Kids”, where she described the situation
of young Vietnamese living in the Czech Republic (Nguyen 2008). This
article, the first of its kind, started a lively discussion not only among the
Vietnamese, but among Czechs as well. She was subjected to harsh criticism
by her parents’ generation and by some of her peers for losing her
roots – mất gốc in Vietnamese (Holomáč – Sherman 2020). Conversely,
many among the young generation praised her for hitting the nail on the
head and describing their lives so well. Following her example, a number
of other young Vietnamese started to write blogs to express their ideas and
experiences (Martínková 2008).
The term “banana kids”, used by the young Vietnamese themselves,
quickly spread among their community, as it described their reality. Take,
for example, the documentary film by Martin Ryšavý (2009) Banánové
děti (Banana Kids) where a young migrant Vietnamese man explains to the
“banana kid” metaphor to another Vietnamese friend:
What does a banana look like? A banana is yellow. On the outside
a banana is ‘normal’ like us – yellow, but on the inside bananas are
‘white’ like us – we behave like Czechs, like Europeans. (Banánové
děti 2009)
Due to the nature of their parents’ jobs (i.e., typically running corner
shops or selling goods at Vietnamese markets), many Vietnamese children
were raised by Czech nannies – often called “grandmas”. It is assumed that
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every second Vietnamese child living in the Czech Republic was raised
by a Czech nanny (Procházková 2012), although the amount of time these
children spent with their Czech “grandmas” differed from case to case. Typically,
children would spend entire weekdays at their nanny’s residence until
their parents would pick them up and take them home in the evening. Some
kids stayed with their nanny for the whole week, residing with their parents
only on the weekends. Sometimes these “grandmas” took care of babies only
a few months old. Even today, Czech nannies are still “the door to the majority”
for Vietnamese children (Souralová 2014a). These Vietnamese children
cared for by Czech nannies were raised in a Czech environment with Czech
traditions, celebrating Christmas, eating Czech food and listening to Czech
fairy tales before bed, as described in the short film Confession of a Generation
(Zpověď generace) shot in 2014 by Dužan Duong – one of the first ethnic
Vietnamese students to attend the Film and TV School of the Academy of
Performing Arts in Prague (FAMU). This first-hand life experience of Czech
culture – meaning it is not just a culture they have heard about – has made
their integration into the Czech majority easier (Svobodová 2017). In many
cases, these children formed a deep relationship with their nannies that frequently
lasts into adulthood. Usually, Vietnamese children spent more time
with their Czech nannies than with their own parents. For their parents, the
combination of this babysitting and the Czech authenticity that their kids
could only experience from a Czech nanny seemed to be ideal and beneficial
(Souralová 2014a; 2014b; Freidingerová – Nováková 2021). The parents did
not expect what such separation from them and from Vietnamese culture
would cause in the future (ibid).
The foundation of the virtual space
One of the Facebook page’s founders and administrators (admins),
Nguyen Manh Tuan, says: “We created the page at 9 PM and by 1AM we had
500 likes. The next day it had 1,000 and then 2,000 likes, and after one week we
hit several thousands of likes.” Tuan (age 26), a student of IT and economics,
was born in Vietnam and at the age of two came to the Czech Republic
with his parents. The description section of the page calls it “A page full
of confessions, life stories, everyday problems and events from the lives of the Vietnamese
in the Czech Republic” (Confession of the Vietnamese). It does not
specify whether the page focuses on young Vietnamese, although since
the group’s main language is Czech, it is assumed that most of the people
posting and sharing are migrant Vietnamese youth (Homoláč – Sherman
2020). This trend is also apparent from the demographic data on the page’s
fans provided by Tuan:
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“Confessions of the Vietnamese” is most popular among women and
men 18 to 24 years old – women in this age group comprised 24% and
men 30% of all fans. In the age group of 24 to 35, women account
for 8% and men for 14% of all fans, followed by the 13 to 17 age group
which comprises 77% of female and 7 % of male fans.
According to the founders, at the beginning the aim was simply to have
fun. There was an agreement made among the admins that all confessions
and posts would have to reflect real life situations, which allows “Confessions
of the Vietnamese” to give insight into this group of young people
and their lives. On the other hand, Tuan admits they received many confessions
of a rather disturbing, depressing nature that they never published.
Later, the aim of the page was to be not just realistic but also entertaining
and uplifting.
Another admin of “Confessions of the Vietnamese”, Pham Cuong (27),
a former student of diplomacy and Tuan’s friend, says that according to the
posts, the creation of the page was liberating for many young Vietnamese.
Many followers of the page shared a similar life experience. After reading
posts from other people describing the same problems, they suddenly felt
they were not alone, as Tuan explains here:
We observed this sentiment among many of our followers. For example,
whenever we hit a certain milestone, like 10,000 likes, we thanked
all of the followers. The fans responded with lots of comments, for
example, that they had thought they were the only ones living such
a life of family hardship and lack of parental love, yet now they see that
they are not alone. They were happy that something like “Confessions
of the Vietnamese” exists. In this way, the Facebook confession group
has become a specific type of self-help group for some. Intergenerational
problems are among the other frequently-presented topics on
the confession page.
Sources of Intergenerational Conflict in the Context of Migration
To contribute to the literature exploring the acculturation gaps that
influence family relationships in Vietnamese migrant families, we have
conceptualized acculturation as changes in cultural attitudes, behaviours
and values that result from contact between two distinct cultures (Phinney
1990). The acculturation gap between family members can be perceived as
the primary source of conflict between parents and children from a migrant
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background. According to this approach, the process of acculturation
creates clashes in values between children and adults that affect family
relationships (e.g., Berry et al. 2006). Another approach argues that the
acculturation gap hypothesis does not provide a full explanation for the
quality of family relationships. For example, Merali (2002) argues that adolescents
from migrant backgrounds attribute the conflicts they experience
with their parents to acculturation discrepancies rather than attributing
them to other reasons; nevertheless, intergenerational conflicts and parenting
styles are more often to blame for youth distress than are acculturation
gaps (Lim et al. 2008).
Migrant parents who are more oriented toward their native culture may
find their parenting styles ineffective with children who are quickly adapting
to the host culture (Buki et al. 2003). Zhou (2009) describes parent-child
relationships in migrant families of Chinese backgrounds as based on
Confucian traditions, which are dominant in Vietnamese families as well.
Emphasising filial piety, education, hard work, and discipline serve
as normative behavioural standards for socialising the younger generation.
[…] They have clearly articulated expectations that their
children will attain the highest levels of educational and occupational
achievements possible. […] Deviation from these expectations is considered
a family shame or failure and is thus negatively sanctioned by
the family and the ethnic community. (Zhou 2009: 21)
Like other Asian ethnicities, Vietnamese parents usually adopt a punishment-oriented,
authoritarian parenting style for raising children (Nguyen
– Cheung 2009). Based on Maccoby and Martin’s (1983) typology of parenting
styles, an authoritarian parenting style typically embodies a high
degree of demands, control and expectations. In line with this typology,
Vietnamese adolescents tend to rate their parents as overprotective and
controlling. An authoritarian parenting style is correlated with depression
and low self-esteem (Nguyen – Leung – Cheung 2011; Nguyen et al. 2013).
In line with this argument, Kwak and Berry (2001) argue in their research
among adolescents of migrant background that adolescents from an Asian
ethnic background have a lot of responsibilities within the family while
at the same time disagreeing more with their parents on issues of independence,
their role in decision making, and their preferences regarding
intercultural contact.
Social media, including the Facebook page we have analysed in this
paper, provide a safe space for intimate storytelling about family, travels,
or experiences with parents (Garde-Hansen – Gorton 2013). Nevertheless,
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in the search for sharing, there is always a certain level of exposure that
implies vulnerability. The extent to which private content is disclosed depends
on the topic, as well as on the audience. Content intimacy is known to
regulate self-disclosure in face-to-face communication: People self-disclose
less as content intimacy increases. Regulation of this sort appears to persist
in social media as well. However, the decisive factor is anonymity – a factor
that increases self-disclosure. Another important topic connected to
intimacy-sharing practices is how identity is constructed on Facebook (see
Zhao – Grasmuck – Martin 2008).
According to Zhao, Grasmuck and Martin (2008), Facebook is a “anonymous”
online setting where users are required to reveal their real names in
a fixed institutional context, which explains why users tend not to treat it as
a platform for directly expressing their “hidden selves” or their marginalized
or contested identities. Nevertheless, the anonymous, curated posting by the
Facebook page “Confessions of the Vietnamese”, which we analysed, serves
like other anonymous online settings as a space where individuals can safely
recreate their biography and personality (ibid.). In other words, the online
space enables one to reinvent oneself through experimenting with new, often
unconventional identities. An anonymous online environment also provides
an outlet for the expression of one’s hidden attributes or preferences and the
exploration of various non-conventional identities, as Rosenmann and Safir
(2006) have demonstrated in their research on sexual identities. In regard to
the context of identity formation on social media, it must be noted that even
social media pushes for a particular kind of conformity, thus influencing the
nature of the posts published on specific Facebook sites.
Data Selection and Analysis
We decided to examine intergenerational conflict through the data (status
posts) from the Facebook page “Confessions of the Vietnamese”, one of
the most popular platforms for young Vietnamese between the time of its
founding on 5 May 2013 until 2017. We conducted interviews with founders
and admins Nguyen Manh Tuan and Cuong Pham in 2018 to obtain
supplementary information about the page itself, the circumstances of its
establishment, and the process of curating the content. “Confessions of the
Vietnamese” is an open page accessible to anyone with a Facebook account.
However, the administrators curate the posts from contributions they receive
via Google sheets and publish them on the page anonymously under
the “Confessions of the Vietnamese” page name as Facebook status posts.
Described as “a page full of the confessions, life stories, everyday
problems and events from the Vietnamese living in the Czech Republic”
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Marta Lopatková, Lenka Formánková, “Confessions of the Vietnamese” Facebook Page
(Confession of the Vietnamese), the language mainly used on the page
is Czech.
We analysed the content of all 978 status posts published on the confession
page between 2013 and 2017, when the page was at the peak of its
popularity. For this purpose, we were provided with an anonymized table of
status posts by a founder and admin. To ensure the anonymity of the Facebook
page users, we are not revealing any comments or reactions whereby
the authors could be identified. For the final analysis, we selected the 150
most-liked status posts to narrow the topic down. The admins consented
to share the anonymized posts and related page-use data for the purpose
of our analysis.
The most popular topics (according to the number of likes) are examples
of everyday racism and encounters with Vietnamese parents. The majority
of the posts involve references to parents as they describe the life of the
Vietnamese community – working in corner shops open 7/11, the language
barrier, parents’ superstitious beliefs and interactions with the Czech majority,
and the conflicting relationship between the first generation and the
1.5 generation and second generation within the Vietnamese diaspora living
in the Czech Republic. According to the founders and admins, who are of
Vietnamese origin themselves, the status posts provide, in their opinion,
an authentic reflection of the lived lives of the 1.5 generation and secondgeneration
Vietnamese. With an aim “to be realistic, yet entertaining and
uplifting as well”, the admins admit to excluding confessions of a highly
disturbing, depressing nature. Tuan commented:
In its first six years of existence, “Confessions of the Vietnamese” has
posted 1,726 confessions, videos and other posts in total. Approximately
one third of the posts we analysed touch upon intergenerational
conflict between Vietnamese migrant parents and their children from
the perspective of 1.5 generation or second-generation migrants.
This corresponds with our findings that approximately one third of the
posts relate to intergenerational conflict.
Taking the above into consideration, we have decided to apply the perspective
of intergenerational conflicts in the context of migration and have
selected three dominant themes discussed on the analysed page which can
be seen as the main cause of such conflicts:
1.	 Children not meeting parents’ expectations (representing parenting
style)
2.	 Cultural / language barrier (representing the acculturation gap)
3.	 The value of family ties (everyday practices of ethnic identity)
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In most cases, the topics of the individual posts cross over and merge
into other categories, thematically. Due to the character of the posts and
their topic merging, it would be rather subjective to create a table with the
precise number of posts belonging to each post category. Instead, we have
provided examples of each category and, in turn, discussed their specific
situations and content. The presented findings are case-specific – they are
valid for the context of the confession page, and it would be speculative
to assume the same topics would be discussed in face-to-face encounters.
However, they open the possibility for discussion of identity formation in
both the virtual context and in a context of migration and intercultural
exchange.
Results
Children not meeting their parents’ expectations
Claims such as “They will never be happy with me” or “I will never be
good enough for my parents” are characteristic of the negative feelings
that young Vietnamese express rather often in their posts. These young
Vietnamese express their disappointment with their parents’ reactions
to a wide variety of situations, even using the hashtag #YouAreNever-
GoodEnough.
These young Vietnamese feel pressured by their parents to achieve and
be successful while also feeling unappreciated and unpraised when they
do succeed. The pressure to deliver an exceptional contribution to both
the family and society is often ironically commented on in the posts, here
revealing both the pressure to shine and the conflicting values between the
generations regarding what “success” means:
Young Vietnamese (YV): Mom, I found a cure for cancer, won
a Nobel Prize, composed three symphonies and, with my bare hands,
stopped a famine in Africa.
Mother: The neighbour’s wife has a cousin who is the adopted grandson
of my friend from my hometown. He works 25 hours a day, has
four grocery stores, a beautiful BMW and three iPhones. Stop slacking
and do something useful so I don’t have to be ashamed of you in front
of them. (“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)
Here we can see the focus on the economic security of the family versus
contributions to the broader society, between dead-end labour and crea-
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tive work, and between the good name of the family within the Vietnamese
diaspora versus merit in the majority society.
One field where the 1.5 generation and second-generation Vietnamese
experience a great deal of pressure is education – these migrants are expected
to have excellent results at school and to study at university: “My
parents take it for granted that I will get into university and that I will finish it
with a red diploma3
.” (“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)
It is common for young Vietnamese to face pressure from their parents
to study in a field of high prestige within the Vietnamese community, such
as medicine, economics, or the financial sector (Formánková – Lopatková
2018).
Many of us certainly heard from our fathers: “Go to any university
you want – economics, medicine or law. It’s up to you! We hope this
great article will help you ‘negotiate’ your university choice with your
parents!” (“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)
Vietnamese parents believe the only way to overcome the “migrant” label
is to put pressure on their children not just to have the best study results,
but also to be better than their Czech peers (Souralová 2014b). Migrant
parents push their children to reach the highest goals, convinced that it is
the only way to be accepted by the majority (Zhou – Lee 2004).
The “Confessions of the Vietnamese” page reveals that young Vietnamese
often emphasize a desire to have a warm relationship with their parents.
They idealize the relationship between parents and children in Czech families,
believing they have more warm, intimate encounters. The following
post reveals this idealized picture of Czech families:
I envy Czechs for the relationship they have with their parents. They
can talk or chat about anything. About relationships or other problems.
At home, I barely speak to my parents. They only care about
my studying, doing household chores, etc. I know they don’t mean
it, but it would be nice to hear that they love me. (“Confessions of
the Vietnamese”)
Although in some of these posts the young Vietnamese express their
sadness and frustration with this comparison of parental practices, others
suggest Vietnamese parents have devoted their entire lives to securing the
economic stability and social integration of their children in Czech society:
3	 Red colour of the diploma signify the best possible study results.
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“I admire my parents for having the courage to come to a foreign country and start
working here.” (“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)
Cultural Barriers: Language Barrier is the Most Pronounced
As we have previously noted, many of the young Vietnamese raised
by Czech nannies – “grandmas”, as mentioned above – have limited
active use of the Vietnamese language (Freidingerová 2014). They
would speak Vietnamese with their parents just in the evenings after
their parents got home from work, and in some cases they spoke Vietnamese
only a few hours a week (Souralová 2014b). As a result, young
immigrants of Vietnamese origin sometimes regard Czech as their native
language instead of Vietnamese and use Czech in their interactions
with each other; this represents one reason for their overall orientation
towards the culture of the majority (Formánková – Lopatková 2018).
In the confession posts, young Vietnamese share sentiments about the
lack of communication between them and their parents caused by the
language barrier – their lack of knowledge of Vietnamese and their
parents’ limited knowledge of Czech. This creates feelings of detachment
from their Vietnamese origin, as presented in this highly-liked
post: “YV: I can’t even describe my day to my Mom in Vietnamese.” (“Confessions
of the Vietnamese”)
Additionally, limited knowledge of the language influences the acceptance
of the 1.5 generation and second-generation migrants into both their
broader family and the Vietnamese diaspora, which is dominated by firstgeneration
migrants:
YV on parents: My parents: “We would give anything to have a son
like yours! […] Ours is such a dummy. And he doesn’t speak Vietnamese!”
(“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)
Language barriers cause problems when communicating with other
relatives as well, especially those in Vietnam. The Vietnamese living in
Vietnam often perceive their kin living abroad, known as the Việt Kiều, as
mất gốc and, having lost their roots, as those who are unable to behave
properly and speak Vietnamese. They often make fun of young Vietnamese
migrants because of their limited language knowledge. Moreover,
Vietnamese youth experience this situation not just in Vietnam, but also
in the Czech Republic, within their community, and sometimes even with
their own parents.
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The Value of Family Ties
In relation to the above-mentioned strong ties of the first-generation Vietnamese
migrants with the local diaspora, and in contrast to their children’s
loose identification with Vietnamese culture, the question of maintaining
this culture and language for future generations emerges. According to the
posts popular on the “Confession of the Vietnamese” page, Vietnamese
parents in the Czech Republic – first-generation migrants – tend to pressure
their children to marry or date other Vietnamese. As confessed in the following
post, the reasoning is based on the parents’ concern about cultural
differences between the Czech majority and the Vietnamese community:
YV: My Mom constantly tries to put me together with Vietnamese
girls I barely know, to ensure I do not move towards the dark Czech
side. (“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)
YV: My parents suggest I should not marry a Czech girl because
they only go to parties and eat bread rolls. (“Confessions of the
Vietnamese”)
Despite the anonymity, some confession posts do reveal the gender of
the author (as the Czech language is not gender-neutral), revealing gender
differences between the pressures placed on sons and daughters when it
comes to choosing a life partner. Young Vietnamese women seem to face
less pressure than their male counterparts. One well-known Vietnamese
proverb refers to any daughter as a “child of other people,” suggesting she
will become a member of her husband’s family after marriage. Traditionally,
the wife moves in with her husband’s family after the wedding and thus her
position is subordinate both to her husband and to his family (Kibria 1990).
From a cultural perspective, Confucianism still has a strong influence on
the Vietnamese family, which therefore embodies aspects of a patrilineal,
patriarchal model with a distinct connection to hierarchy (Hoang – Yeoh
2011). The man is the head of the family, whereas women are supposed
to take care of the household members, including the husband’s parents.
The oldest son and his wife usually take care of elderly parents and worship
their ancestors. Parents customarily require that their daughter-in-law
understand Vietnamese culture, “know how to behave”, and help while
performing family rituals.
Vietnamese women, on the other hand, face their own challenges: They
are discouraged from finding a partner (even a Vietnamese one) prior to
finishing their studies, since their parents are convinced it would distract
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them from studying. In the eyes of Vietnamese parents, it is important to
find a good husband only once one’s education is completed – but also, to
find one immediately thereafter. Parents as well as others in the Vietnamese
diaspora put a lot of pressure on Vietnamese women to find a husband as
soon as possible following graduation, otherwise, she is labelled “old”,
“problematic” or simply “ế” – “past her ‘sell-by’ date”.
During my school years, my parents warned me against having a boyfriend,
as he would distract me from my studies. Since I received my
Bachelor’s degree in June, they have many times suggested I am old
and should get married by the end of the year. #LogicOfVietnameseParents
(“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)
Religious beliefs play an important role in choosing life partners as
well. On the confession page, posts often mock parents’ superstitious
and religious beliefs, for example, “My mom is a Buddhist. She reads those
religious texts faster than Eminem raps!” (“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)
The superstitious practises of Vietnamese parents are also a matter for
negotiation between parents and children. The Vietnamese are generally
very superstitious and perform a significant amount of practises in order to
avoid bad luck. Horoscopes, for example, are part of everyday life among
many Vietnamese people, not only in Vietnam but also in the diaspora:
I naively thought that if I invited a 100% Vietnamese person from
a good family and with a university degree, my parents would approve,
but right after he left they told me: “Break up with him. Your astrological
signs aren’t compatible.” (“Confessions of the Vietnamese”)
Posts to the confession page of this particular type elicit strong support
from other group members who struggle with parental disapproval
of their partner choice. Followers of the page, usually those who say they
have succeeded in marrying or dating a Czech partner, share their stories
and express warm support for people in this situation. According to the
posts, parents who do accept their children’s Czech partners insist that
their partner learn Vietnamese to communicate with the family, especially
since the parents often do not speak Czech.
Although first-generation Vietnamese parents often protest against
mixed marriages, such marriages are becoming more common in the Czech
Republic. In 2011, one of the Vietnamese community’s most famous wedding
halls hosted a Vietnamese-Czech marriage for the first time ever in
Prague’s Sapa Market (a Vietnamese woman and a Czech man) (Březina
97
Marta Lopatková, Lenka Formánková, “Confessions of the Vietnamese” Facebook Page
– Procházková 2011) which can be seen as an expression of approval by
the Vietnamese community.
Discussion
Overall, the posts from the Facebook page “Confessions of the Vietnamese”
show an intergenerational conflict characterized by unmet expectations
on both sides and fuelled by cultural and language barriers, such as
culturally-embedded ideas about appropriate ways for family members to
relate to each other or to show care and compassion.
Overall, the “romantic” idea of open, understanding Czech parents versus
the demanding, cold Vietnamese upbringing described in the posts can be
attributed to several factors. Firstly, it can be the result of a specific arrangement
whereby care for children of Vietnamese origin was typically provided
by Czech families via nannies, since institutional childcare was not available
for children under three years of age (Souralová 2015). Vietnamese migrants
felt pressured to economically ensure their family and so they did not opt
for the three-year-long parental care model provided by a parent staying at
home with the child, which is popular in the Czech Republic and reinforced
by state subsidies (ibid; Formánková – Lopatková 2018). The Czech nannies
were usually female pensioners who welcomed the contribution to their
generally low pensions and, at the same time, provided “grandma”-style
warmth and empathic care (Souralová 2014b). Due to the high-intensity
work lives typical of first-generation migrant Vietnamese, their children
often spent every work day, including the occasional overnight stay, with
Czech families in their homes. For lack of time spent with their own parents,
the 1.5 generation and second generation migrants have fewer memories
to share with their parents today, and they understand Czech culture and
habits better than Vietnamese ones; moreover, they experience a language
barrier with their own parents, as they were primarily socialized into the
Czech language (Formánková – Lopatková 2018).
Secondly, this conflict could also come from everyday practices of ethnic
identity, whereby the Vietnamese community is seen in these posts as having
less desirable characteristics than the Czechs, including their habitual
forms of relating to each other in public and inside families. Studies of
ethnicity in everyday contexts reveal the daily instability and renegotiation
of ethnic identity (e.g., Karner 2007). It is important to take into account
the fact that identities are renegotiated in everyday situations and that the
force of real-life encounters between people can destabilize these identities,
so everyday practices and relationships may take place in forms that are
neither attentive to, nor significantly ordered by, individual understandings
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ČESKÝ LID ročník 2022/109 1
about ‘race’ or ethnicity (e.g., Kramvig 2005). In Vietnamese culture, for
example, it is not common to express one’s feelings in public (given the
possibility of losing face), nor in front of one’s own children. It is much
more common to see two men holding hands than it is to see a man and
a woman holding hands. In Czech culture, on the contrary, expressing one’s
feelings is more common, and people hug and kiss in public as well, to
a certain extent (Svobodová 2017). Since these Vietnamese youth have been
socialized strongly into Czech cultural norms, they ignore the behaviour
of their own parents and interpret it as “cold”, from the perspective of the
dominant Czech culture. Had they been more embedded in Vietnamese
culture, they would likely see the behaviour in the dominant society as too
frivolous (ibid.). The conduct of Czech children is also seen by the Vietnamese
to be lazy and lacking in discipline, which leads to a third possible
explanation for this conflict.
Thirdly, Asian migrant parents often enforce an authoritative parenting
model characterized by a high level of control and demands and a low
level of warmth and emotional support (Nguyen – Williams 1989; Herz
– Gullone 1999 in Szymanska-Matusiewicz 2015; Hubertová 2014). This
trend is clearly visible in the posts from the confession page and leads to
the belief that Vietnamese parents “do not care”. However, the opposite is
the case: Their children’s education is the priority for Vietnamese parents.
The pressure to achieve, in other words, is pressure to ensure a better life
for their children, as educational accomplishments strengthen the position
and prestige of the entire family (Phung Thi 2006). An important
feature of the migrant experience, as is supported by Pranee Liamputtong’s
(2006) study on Asian mothers in Australia, is that education and
its achievement are prestige symbols and a mark of “successful parenting”,
not just for the child but also for the family, and especially for mothers.
This applies to Vietnamese migrant parents in the Czech Republic as well
(Formánková – Lopatková 2018; Souralova 2014b). Moreover, education
is traditionally perceived as a mark of prestige in Vietnam even today
(Huard – Durand 1990).
In this context of cultural differences and language barriers, the issue
of mixed marriages becomes more evident as a conflictual one. However,
a number of scholars claim that mixed marriages represent a benchmark
and indicator of integration into the host country’s society (Khoo 2011), and
that the growth of intermarriages indicates barriers are loosening between
the majority and minority (Alba – Nee 2003 in Svobodová 2017), which
may be threatening to the Vietnamese diaspora. Nevertheless, an in-depth
study on Vietnamese parents’ preferences concerning their children’s marital
partners is still needed.
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Marta Lopatková, Lenka Formánková, “Confessions of the Vietnamese” Facebook Page
Conclusion
By analysing popular posts on the Facebook page “Confessions of the
Vietnamese,” we have identified the main areas of tension between migrant
Vietnamese parents and their children in reaction to which young Vietnamese
are negotiating their generational identity. In accordance with studies
focusing on intergenerational conflict in Asian communities worldwide
(e.g., Herz – Gullone 1999; Kwak – Berry 2001; Szymanska-Matusiewicz
2015; Zhou 2009), we find similar aspects and patterns in the upbringing of
Vietnamese children in the Czech Republic. Our findings also correspond
with research from other studies focusing on young Vietnamese migrants
in the Czech Republic (see Souralová 2014a; 2014b; 2015; Freidingerová
2014; Freidingerová – Nováková 2021).
According to our analysis, the crucial factor is the language barrier
that young Vietnamese face when communicating with their own parents.
Highly-acculturated migrant Vietnamese youth, who have often been raised
by Czech nannies, lose their connection not just to the Vietnamese language
but simultaneously to the culture of their parents; this is often described in
the literature as being a source of mutual conflict (see Berry et al. 2006).
This cultural clash prevents young Vietnamese from understanding their
parents, not just on a linguistic level, but also at the normative level of
values and beliefs (ibid).
A high level of social control within the community, and the idea that
a successful child equates to prestige for the entire family, puts enormous
pressure on Vietnamese youth. Moreover, the language barrier and cultural
clashes lead to feelings of estrangement as young Vietnamese struggle to
explain their behaviour and feelings to their parents. Implementing an
authoritative parenting style, Vietnamese parents put pressure on their
children to achieve the highest goals, which their children often struggle
to accomplish (see Maccoby – Martin 1983; Nguyen – Cheung 2009).
The distance grows as children feel unappreciated and unloved, leading
to feelings of loneliness and frustration, which are revealed through the
“Confessions of the Vietnamese” to a receptive audience.
According to our analysis and the opinions of the admins who created the
page, it appears that these confessions represent authentic accounts about
the everyday family lives of 1.5 generationand second-generation Vietnamese
migrants living in the Czech Republic. The specific style of the posts, which
is mainly ironic, does not diminish the authentic experience upon which they
reflect. Nonetheless, it is necessary to point out the limits of our study. The
posts from “Confessions of the Vietnamese” that we have selected for our
analysis gained popularity for several reasons. For instance, fans “like” posts
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either because they reflect their own experience, or because they find them
amusing/interesting, or all of the above. Therefore, it is possible that other
posts did not gain visibility merely because there was less appreciation of their
style, not because of their informational value. This is, however, a limitation
when analysing social media self-presentation. Nevertheless, the posts provide
valuable insight into the specific sense of belonging held by ethnic Vietnamese
youth in the Czech Republic in the specific context of social media.
February 2022
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