Cast of Characters: Main Character – MAIN Boss Co-workers – CW Neat Freak - NF (cares about everything being neat all the time) Barbie Girl – BG (cares about appearance) Granny – G (old woman who undoes knitting) Magician – MAG (Old man who thinks he can do magic) Trickster – TR (man who likes playing tricks on people) Scaredy Cat – SC (woman who is scared of everything) Hip Hopper – HH (someone who really, really like Hip Hop) Fly (A person who thinks they're a fly) And others. Scene 1 Curtain opens to an empty stage (maybe with desks and papers}. A work whistle blows. A bunch of people in formal work clothes enter. They mime working in an office - all morning. Whistle blows for lunch. They head over to eating place (restaurant? canteen?}. Sit down together around table. {CW = co-worker} CW1: I'm starving. I'm glad it's finally time to eat. CW2: What are we having today? CWG: I'm sure it'll be delicious, as usual. CW4: I heard it's something gray. CW5: You mean with gravy? I can't wait! CW: Oh, here it is. We'll see for ourselves. Food appears. They start to eat. CW: It's not gray, it's brown. CW: It seems tan to me. CW: It's kind of yellowish. CW: No, it's definitely brown. CW: Do you like it? CW: I'm so hungry, I don't care about the color. MAIN: I've always wanted to run away to join the circus. Pause. Silence. They give her funny looks (sounds}. She seems embarrassed. CW: Yeah, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. CW: Could you pass the salt? CW: Here you go. Eating. The whistle blows again. They go back to work. Work all afternoon just like the morning. Whistle blows for the end of work. People stand and start to pack their things. CW: Hey, let's go for a drink. CW: Yeah, sounds great. MAIN: Count me in. Enter Boss. Boss: Excuse me, ladies. (to MAIN} May I have a word with you? MAIN: Sure thing, boss. Others leave. Boss: I have some important work for you. This just arrived. I need you to work it out by tomorrow morning. Our company depends on this. Value it with your life. MAIN: Sure thing, boss. You can count on me. Boss leaves. MAIN: Wow, it's hot in here. If I'm gonna be working, I'll need some air . . . and some coffee. Definitely a lot of coffee. Opens window. Turns to make coffee. Wind comes in, starts to blow paper up. MAIN turns, sees it, tried to catch it. It blows out the window. She falls after it. It blows back in. Fade to black. (Ambulance sirens????} Scene 2 Stage is black. Slow fade in reveals MAIN lying alone on floor. MAIN: Oh, I missed it. My boss is gonna kill me. {Looks around} Hey, where am I? What is this place? BG + NF (carrying cleaning supplies} enter to music of Barbie Girl. NF: Silence! Silence! {Music stops} This place is just full of noise and rubbish. BG: Shut up. It's none of your business. NF: Didn't you hear that we have a newcomer? We need to make this place tidy for them. They notice MAIN. NF: Look! She's here! I have to get you clean - without all this makeup. {tries to clean up BG - sprays water on her face} BG: Stop it, you stupid cleaning machine. I look perfect the way I am. {Grabs cleaning supplies and throws them offstage or hits NF} NF: Hey! I need that! {Goes after cleaning supplies} {BG Goes to MAIN, helps her stand} BG: Oh, my. You look absolutely crazy in these clothes. What strange-colored nails you have. Don't you have anything in pink? Come with me; we'll get you into something nice. {NF comes back} NF: Wait a second! What are you doing? BG: Look at her hair! She looks like she was born in a barn! She needs my help! NF {to MAIN}: Hey, don't listen to her. You must be exhausted after your trip. Your hair is fine, but your clothes could use some cleaning. I'll take you to your room. MAIN: My room?!? I live in a house. Where am I and who are you? BG {to NF}: You'll take her? You don't know where anything is. All you're interested in is rubbish. NF: Calm down. Maybe you should go re-dye your hair. BG: I heard the closet on the 4th level is a mess. You should hurry up to clean it. {MAIN slowly starts backing out of room} NF: You're a liar. I just cleaned it an hour ago. You wouldn't know what that's like, you're too afraid of breaking a nail. BG: What your tongue or it'll be something else that gets broken. NF: What will you beat me up with a handbag? {NF sprays BG} BG: Stop that! Hey, wait, where'd she go? NF: She left. This is all your fault. BG: No yours! {Continuing to argue over blame, both exit.} Scene 3 {Lights on. Granny in chair unknitting. Empty chair next to her. MAIN enters backwards} G (without looking up}: Ah, here you are, my dear. I was wondering when you'd come. MAIN: Who are you and how did you know that I'd come? G: Oh, everybody knows you're here, sweetie. We don't get new guests very often at our hotel. Nice warm spell of weather, isn't it? MAIN: Wait, what hotel? What are you talking about? G: Oh, this boat hotel, darling. We're waiting here for the rain. MAIN: How'd I get onto a boat? And what water are we on? G: My child, I told you, we're waiting for rain. We're on dry land. How many others of us have you met so far? MAIN: Just 2 maniacs. I don't understand about the land. G: Don't worry yourself, honey, you'll understand when the time comes. They always do. MAIN {emotionally/confusedly}: What? What? G: Did I hear something about maniacs? Tell me something about them. MAIN {slowly/confusedly} There was a girl obsessed with her appearance and a man fixated on cleaning. G:We both know they and they're not crazy. {to chair} Isn't that right? MAIN: Who are you talking to? G: Oh, where are my manners? I haven't introduced you. This is my friend, Robert. MAIN: Robert is your chair?!?!? Do you name all of your furniture? And who is this? {points to table} G: Oh, no, no, no, Sugar. There's just Robert. He's sitting in the chair. MAIN: Oh, I see. . . . Actually, I don't. Wha- G: Shh, shh, shh. Don't interrupt Robert. {pause - listening - then to chair} That's a good idea. She looks about the right size. {to MAIN} Could you spare your sweater? MAIN {ironically}: Do you also want to clean it? G: Oh no, pumpkin. It's my passion to undo sweaters for everyone. MAIN: That's it. I've had enough. I'm leaving this crazy place. {runs off} G: You see, Robert? It's always the same with newcomers. {fade to black} Scene 4 {Darkness. A scream pierces the silence. Slow fade in. Scaredy Cat is running in circles, panicking, yelling. Near a door - door opens & Main enters. SC yells in surprise & runs away to hide/cower in a corner/ behind a curtain.} MAIN: Hello? What's up? What's going on? SC: A spider! A spider! A spider! {MAIN looks around confusedly} MAIN: Um, where is it? I don't see anything. SC: There! In the corner! That corner, there! {Points - MAIN looks} MAIN: What are you talking about? There's nothing there. Calm down. SC: But there was one yesterday. Over there! MAIN: There's really nothing there now. Have a look for yourself. SC: Never! There must be a spider. I saw it yesterday! MAIN: It might have moved to find some flies or build a web. SC: No, I'm sure it's waiting for me. MAIN: But you're not a fly, are you? {Fly enters the room. Buzzes around. Leaves. SC Yells in fright.} MAIN: So why don't you leave the room, then, if you're so scared? SC {seriously}: There are even more dangerous things out there. MAIN: Such as what? SC: Tricks. MAIN: What? SC: Tricks. Tricks! Can't you understand?!? They're everywhere. You never know when they'll come next! MAIN: I'll believe that when I see it. {SC looks around scared. Starts to yell "Trick! Spider!" etc. MAIN tries to back out slowly - bumps into a box} MAIN: Damn! Let's see what's inside. {Carefully opens box OR knocks over and open box Looks down. Snoring sounds.} MAIN: Hey, who's this asleep? {TR wakes up startled. Jumps up and throws something at MAIN {paper, flour, etc.}. Looks around and sees who it was.} TR: Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? This box wasn't meant for you. Why'd you open it? MAIN: How can you be mad at me? Why are you throwing {flour} at people? You must be responsible for making that girl scared. TR: Scared? That's why I love her, cause she's always scared. MAIN: That's how you show love? TR: Mind your own business. You don't understand our relationship. You ruined everything! {storms off} MAIN: This place is crazy. What's next? Scene NF {NF enters with broom. Sees mess. Initial look of happiness + expectation. Sees MAIN - quickly changes face to unhappiness.} NF: What a beauti- I mean terrible mess. What have you been doing? You're here for only a short time and you're already destroying this place. And I'm always the one who's stuck cleaning up! MAIN: Me? It wasn't me! It was that other guy! NF: Oh everyone says that. It's always that 1, isn't it? Why can't anyone take responsibility for themselves? Other than me, of course. {Grabs broom and starts cleaning.} MAIN: But I swear it wasn't me. NF: Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. MAIN: No, it was that guy with the xxxxx hair. About xxxxxx tall. NF: Yeah, with xxxxx eyes and xxxxxx clothes. Blah, blah, blah. I told you - everyone blames him. MAIN: It was!! NF: Look at yourself. How can you live like that? So filthy. Such a pig. MAIN: That's enough. {leaves} {NF starts to sing - looks happy. Fade to black} Scene 5 {Lights on. See Hip Hopper in front of a group of random people. Hip-hop music starts in background.} HH: Look at me. Whatcha see? Hip-hop dancing. Bit of rapping. I'm so good So you should After me Try and be. {Falls asleep. Others wait silently. Wakes up.} HH: I like rap. Am I mad? Others: No! Repeat. HH: It's your turn. Whatcha learn? Others: Look at it It's not trick. Hip-hop dancing. Bit of rapping. It's so easy, Nice and breezy. {HH sees MAIN} HH (to MAIN}: Welcome here. Have no fear. {Falls asleep. Others come up to MAIN - welcome her.} MAIN: How are you doing? What's the matter with that guy? Is he making fun of me? Others: He's OK. Rap is great. {Realize they are rapping and stop.} He's only sleeping for a while. Can you rap, too? HH {wakes up}: Hey, it's breakfast time. That's when I shine. OK everyone, That's enough of our fun. Let's go and eat. It's a real treat. MAIN: Breakfast? What time is it? HH: There's no time Pay no mind. Come with us, Don't make fuss. Old man will say What's the way. MAIN: What old man? Will he explain this place to me? HH: It may be Come and see. {They all leave together.} Scene 7 {Magician + Granny on stage - passing plates around. Hip Hopper enters with MAIN and others.} Others: Look who we have brought! G: Nice to see you again, my dear. MAG: Eh? Who's that? HH: She's afraid But she's great. G: Oh, this is the newcomer I've said so much about. MAG: You knew I took my hearing aid out. I didn't hear a word you said. G (to MAIN}: Oh, pay him to mind. Here, my sweet, take a seat next to me. Someone: No, I want her sitting next to me. G: Next time, sugar, next time. {Shows seat to MAIN. Leaves empty seat for Robert} MAG: OK, everyone, it's instruction time. Today for breakfast we are eating: Greek salad, roast duck, and green eggs and ham. Use the small fork on the left. Dig in. {People start to mime eating except for MAIN and BG.} G: Such nice weather. 1st person: Yeah, no rain for so long. 2nd: I've been waiting for it to change. {small talk continues. MAIN looks around confusedly. Notices BG not eating.} BG {to MAIN}: Are you on a diet, too? MAIN: What are you talking about? There's no food here. BG: Didn't you hear the instructions the old man said? MAIN: I heard what he said and I'd love some green eggs and ham, but where is it? BG: You'll get used to it soon. Someone {patting stomach}: That was delicious. I'm stuffed! {nods/cries of agreement} NF: Who'll do the washing up this time? {silence} Me again, huh? {People start getting up and coming up to MAIN.} BG: Now that breakfast is over, don't you want to see my collection of Barbie dolls? NF: Come with me for the washing up. I just got a new kind of soap and I could use a spare pair of hands. HH: Come with me I have new CD. We can listen together, It'll be better. Fly {in same rhythm as HH}: Buzz Buzz Buzz. Buzz Buzz Buzz. G: If you want to join Robert and I, sweetheart, we'll be undoing sweaters. You can help us. MAIN {Ironically}: It all sounds so great. I don't know what to choose. TR: About before, I'm really sorry I insulted you. It won't happen again. Come with me; I'll show you that I can be a gentle person. Give me a second chance and I won't let you down. MAIN: Well, I guess that's the best of a bad lot. Let's go. I'll join the rest of you later. {to self/audience} So I can find out what's happening here. {Leaves with TR. Others slowly exit.} Scene 8 {Trickster comes on the stage, MAIN follows him.} TR: So this is my room! The kingdom of fun and jokes. It is incredible, isn't it? MAIN: Oh, yes, it is wonder... {Looks around and turns back on TR.} TR: Boooogy booogy boogy boogy! MAIN: Ahhhhh! (scared} TR: Haha! You are scared, aren't you? I scared you, love those simple and pure jokes! MAIN: You scared me! It wasn't funny! TR: Hmmm . . . {stares at her} you looks a bit pale. Perhaps you need some fresh air or some wonderful smell! My flower smells nice! Here smell it! {His flower spits water at MAIN.} MAIN: What are you doing? I'm all wet! TR: {Laughs for a long time.} Come on; it was a joke and it was a good one, wasn't it? Take it easy, my tricks are just amazing! But you looks really angry. Fine, no more tricks, I swear. Let's shake on it! {They shake hands. MAIN is shocked. TR turns to the audience, shows hand buzzer and winks.} MAIN: You . . . you . . . you . . . moron! What do you think you are doing! TR: It was fun! Forgive me! Pleeeeaaaaaase! Forgive the poor simple trick-lover. {starts sobbing} To make up for it, I will give you a cake! A nice, tasty cake; pleeeease, forgive meeee! MAIN: A cake? TR: Yes a cake; a tasty one! You'll like it, everybody like cakes. MAIN: Fine. TR: Great! So you 'll forgive me? I swear, no more tricks! Shake on it! MAIN: No, no, no, no, no handshakes! TR: Dang, you are a smart one! Wait here, I'll bring you the cake. Wait. {Exits} {Pause.} MAIN {to herself}: He is a bit crazy, but I hope that he is a good man. He looked so sad; maybe I was too rude to him. {Pause.} MAIN: Such a long time? I hope he is not baking it not. I hope it's a chocolate cake; I love chocolate! {Pause. MAIN looks around.} MAIN: What a strange garbage there is here . . . so many baskets with water, balloons filled with liquid, gummy spiders, gummy ants, gummy rats {picks up a small tube, opens it and a big yellow thing on the spring with a strange noise jumps out of it and scares her.} TR {entering}: Here I am and here is my – I mean, your cake. Taste it! I hope you'll be satisfied. {MAIN takes a big bite.} MAIN: Yum, yum. It is delicious! TR: What????? MAIN: IT IS DELICIOUS! TR: {starts crying}But there should be a spring that jumps up and throws the cake into your face! Oh my GOD! I have given you the wrong cake! I...I.. I gave your cake to Scaredy Cat! Oh I'm so stupid!!! {Runs away shouting} Scaredy Cat!!! Don't touch it!! {MAIN slowly finishes cake. Looks around. Shakes head. Leaves.} Scene 9 {MAIN enters to empty stage.} MAIN: Why am I here? Why me? I don't understand. Nothing makes sense here. Why is everybody else so crazy? {Diver enters} D: Have you seen my goggles? I can't find them anywhere. MAIN {shouts}: What are you, daft?!? There's no sea to swim in! {Lifeguard enters} L: Did I hear somebody say swimming? Don't swim too far out; it can be dangerous. MAIN: Especially when there's no water to dive in. D {to L}: Don't worry, I'll be careful. But have you seen my goggles? {D & L leave together} MAIN: What is with these crazy people? No one ever listens. I just can't figure it out. {Backwards-Walker enters {backwards}} BW {to self}: Oh no, I'm lost. MAIN: You'd better get lost. BW {to self}: Lost again. I can never find my way in this place. MAIN {ironically}: What about trying to turn around? {BW turns in a full circle} BW: Nope, doesn't help. Still lost. Are you trying to find your way, too? Good luck to you. {exits} MAIN: Thanks, I need it. I can't figure it out without a lot of luck. {"Gloves on feet, socks on hands" enters - they stare at each other - long silence.} GL: Freezing weather, isn't it? {leaves} MAIN: There's no place to hide. I can't get a moment's peace. One stranger after another, and each more strange than the last. {Fly enters - buzzing} MAIN: Oh, no. Not you. Fly (quizzically}: Buzz? MAIN: Well, at least you don't talk nonsense. What do you want? Fly: Buzz. Buzz. MAIN: Why did you decide to be a fly? Fly: Buzzzzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. MAIN: I see. Are you happy here? Fly: Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. MAIN: Is there anything interesting to do here. Fly: Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz. MAIN: OK, I'll try it, whatever it is. Let's go. {Both leave} Scene 10 {Barbie Girl on stage playing with lots of dolls. Ken is in a cage. Fly enters with MAIN behind. Fly flies around dolls.} BG: Hey, you dirty insect, don't play with my ba - dolls. Buzz off! Where's that cleaner? He should take care of the vermin. {Shoos fly away} MAIN: Aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls? BG: Don't you like dolls? You can play, too, if you want. MAIN (ironically}: Oh, I'd love to, but I'm about to go diving. BG: Oh, has it started raining already? It's been so long. MAIN (increasingly loudly}: First, there's invisible people talking to me, then someone screaming about a non-existent spider, someone jumped out of a box, I have to be told what to eat and in the end there's nothing on the table, and then there's a diver with no water. So, no, I don't feel like playing with dolls. And why the hell is Ken in a cage?!?!? BG: He's been a naughty boy. {Magician enters behind a sheet. Comes to the middle of the stage. Drops it.} MAG: Ta dah! BG: Wow! How did you do that? MAG: Like this . . . {picks up sheet and drops it again} Ta dah! BG: Can you teach me how to do that? MAG: Sorry, pure magic can't be taught; you have to be born with it. MAIN: You seem to know more than the others. I've seen them listening to you and following your advice {aside to self/audience} and believing yourobviously fake trick. MAG: That might be true.They are just simple people . . . and insects. MAIN: If you know them so well, can you tell me why the people behave so strangely? MAG: Strangely? No one behaves strangely. Everyone is how they are. MAIN: Can I go back where I came from? MAG: We all have to fit in where we are. MAIN: There's no way back? MAG: Who knows? MAIN: So what am I supposed to do? BG: I can help you! I've got the perfect outfit for you! {Magician disappears behind sheet} MAIN: Oh, why not? I guess I could try it. BG: Oh, perfect. I've always wanted a life-sized dolls. This will be great! {exit together} {offstage} MAIN: I hope you won't put me in a cage. Scene 11 In Barbie Girl's room. BG opens her wardrobe. She hesitates a bit and then she pulls out 4 dresses in very sweet colors. BG: I imagine one of these will do. MAIN: I hope so. Which shall I try on first? Don’t you think the colors are a bit too loud? I am not used to wearing such dresses. BG: Don’t be silly. That’s exactly the change you need. Look at this one - I think it might be your size. {She hands MAIN a dress} MAIN: {hidden behind the wardrobe door} I’m not sure about the size and the color. BG: {looks at her}: You are right. It clashes with your hair. Try this one on. {She hands another dress} MAIN: {appears looking like a sweet small girl} Do you think it’s OK? I’m not sure. I feel like a bridesmaid. BG: {with shining smile} That’s it. You’re like a princess. It suits you, believe me - I have an eye for it. MAIN: Do you? Well, if you insist, I don’t mind. {They are standing in front of the mirror, BG is looking for some costume jewellery to match the dress. The lights fade out.} Scene 12 {Empty stage except a cake in the middle. Scaredycat leans in from the right corner and looks the stage and audience. Starts crawling toward the cake with a small stick. Covers her eyes and lightly touches the cake with the stick, then she screams drops the stick and runs away in a panic. Pause. Leans in again from the corner, looks at the cake and audience with binoculars, and slowly crawls next to the cake. Then she uses binoculars again and focus to the cake from about 1 metre away.} SC: It looks like, it is a cake. A real cake! Frightening! Why? Why would anybody give me a cake! Maybe it's not for me. Maybe there is someone else! Someone who is watching me! {Looks around with binoculars} Someone watching me! {Leaves binoculars on floor, stands up and starts shaking} Oh my god, who? Who could it be?! I don´t see anybody! That's terrible! A voyeur in my room! {starts crying} {Fly comes on stage and slowly lands on SC.} SC: It is horrbile! I... I... I feel a terrible weight on my shoulders. I feel like somebody is touching me, somebody is watching me, somebody is behind me, and I am too scared to turn! TR {from offstage}: Scaredy Cat! Scaredy Cat! {TR runs on stage, sees cake and SC, and slows down and stops screaming.} SC: Oh my dear and TR is here too! This is the worst day in my worst life! What are you doing here!? TR: Oh, nothing. I. . . I was just wandering around and I told myself: Self, you haven't seen Scaredy Cat for a long time, so lets visit her and ask her how she is. SC: Thats nice . .. I am scared. I found that strange cake and something is in my room and I don´t know what it wants and what it is. TR: Hmm, except for me and you, there is just a fly. SC: A fly!? Oh my god! A fly! I'm so afraid of flies! They have too many legs! Many more then humans and many less then spiders! And they buzz around and they can land anywhere! For example on me. TR: But it is on you. SC {starts panicking, running around the cake, and screaming}: Fly! Fly away! You are dirty! Fly fly away! {TR stops SC with a hug, fly falls down and destroys the cake.} SC {sobbing}: Is it gone? TR: Yes it is. SC: You are so brave; you saved me. TR: I would save you anyplace, anytime. SC: Oh, my Trickster, I feel so safe with you. TR: Really? SC: Yeah. Strange, isn't it? TR {a little offended}: No, why? SC: Well, you know . . . all your tricks and - TR: But it was all for you! SC: Throwing spiders isn't exactly the best way to ask a girl for a date. TR: I have never said I wanted to ask you for a date! SC: You . . . you . . . {starts crying} TR: Hey, wait. I didn't mean it. SC: Yes, you did! TR: No, I didn't! SC: Yes, you did! TR: No, I didn't! SC: Yes, you did! TR: OK, you know what, enough! - Do you like me? SC {Confused}: Well, yes. A little. TR: {shakes his head and smiles} OK then. And I know you like my tricks. SC: I do not! TR: Yes, you do. When you aren't the one being scared. {SC smiles} So, maybe, maybe we could go to my room and I can show you what I am planning to do to the Neat Freak. {SC looks suspicious} No tricks on the way, I promise! SC: Hmm, if you say so. {looks around} But . . . TR: No buts, I swear. SC {laughs}: Well then, lead the way. {TR and SC leave the stage. Fly stands up. Shakes itself and flies away.} Scene 1G {Barbie Girl enters} BG: Hey, you two, attention please. You are about to see the most beautiful girl (well, after me, of course) MAIN {offstage}: Are you sure about this? BG: Yes. You look absolutely gorgeous! Don't be afraid. MAIN: If you say so. BG: OK, you two, close your eyes. {Main enters} BG: Barbie Girl proudly presents a completely new woman . . . open your eyes! {open eyes - SC starts crying} everyone: what's wrong? SC: you can't see it? You've changed her! Changed her! Nobody changes me! {runs away} TR: You idiots! You ruined everything! {runs after her} MAIN: I knew it. It doesn't work. BG: Don't worry about it, she's scared of everything. She can't appreciate true beauty. Everyone else will like it. MAIN: You have something on your face. BG: Oh my god! I have to find a mirror! {runs away} {Main is sad on stage alone for a time} MAIN: Well, that didn't work at all. I thought changing clothes would help, but I don't feel better. Scene 14 {Hip Hopper enters - stares silently at MAIN} HH: Hello, everyone. Did you have some fun? MAIN: Oh, come one. Give me a break. HH: Seems you're quite tense, taking such offense. Those clothes are pretty strange. Did you make some change? MAIN: Yes, actually. I'm trying to fit in. HH: Take it easy, Don't be lazy. Rap with me, You'll be more free. MAIN: How? HH: Cheer up, sweet candy, A song might be handy. MAIN: Oh, whatever. Show me. HH: Time is often money, for me it is funny. Singing in the rain, I want to dance and gain In the world a big fame. For me, it's no shame. {falls asleep} MAIN: Don't sleep! I don't get it. HH: Don't interrupt me. Just wait and you will see. Do you feel You life is clear? Full of hatred, full of fear? Do you feel your life is pink? Without rules and without a king? Then you are lucky like the man Who never returned from the lion's den. Now I have to go Since I have a show. Practice on your own. If there's trouble, phone. {Leaves} MAIN: I'm not going to rhyme, for those things there's no time. I'm already somewhat good. If I could disappear, I would. {Magician comes on stage - puts sheet over MAIN} MAIN (ironically): Thanks. {Mag leaves with sheet} I still don't get this place. I'll try a brand new face. Now I can express myself There's no reason to be mad. Now I can express myself The world it ain't so bad. Now I can express myself I'll stop being so sad. Now I can express myself I'm sure I will be glad. {small character enters, starts laughing} MAIN: What are you laughing at? At me, I'm sure. {Small character runs away} MAIN: I'm terrible. That won't work either. I should have known. Scene 15 {Neat Freak enters with a mop} NF: I knew it: a mess again. I can't turn my back for 5 seconds. MAIN: You can't blame me for this one. But I'll help you, even if it wasn't me. I'm no other use at all. At least I can help you. NF: YOU?!?!? Don't touch anything. You don't know how to do it properly. You'll just get in my way. It's always me who has to do everything. {MAIN grabs a mop and starts cleaning} MAIN: Don't be silly. I can help. Do you think I've never cleaned up before? NF: Really?!? I thought I was the only one responsible enough for this. {NF watches MAIN anxiously. They are both cleaning.} NF: Not too hard, now. {Pause.} Careful in the corners. Leave something for me! Less water! More water! You missed a spot! MAIN: You said you wanted me to leave you something. NF: Just do the job properly. MAIN: You have a spot on your shirt. Do you want me to get it for you? NF: Actually, I have a great new technique for getting rid of stains. MAIN: Really?!? That sounds fascinating. How does it work exactly? {Loud crash} NF: The trickster again, I'm sure. Come on, I'll show you. It's a great opportunity to try it out. {they leave together} Scene 16 {Granny enters. 2 chairs on stage. G sits in one, leaves the other empty - starts unknitting} G: I think the weather's changing. By the way, do you like the new girl? {Pause.} Yeah, I think she's a bit nervous, isn't she? {Pause.} Well, I suppose it could be because of the place. {Pause.} Of course, I like them. {Pause.} Oh stop being so sarcastic. {Pause.} Yes you were. {Pause.} Have you heard about our new couple? {Pause.} You haven't? Trickster and Scaredy Cat. Everyone knows about it. {Pause.} No, it's not so surprising. I knew they'd get together some day. Just a matter of time. {Pause.} I don't know how it happened. {Pause.} I'd tell you if I knew. {Pause.} But I'm glad for Scaredy Cat - she's much stronger now. {Pause.} And I think her new style is brilliant. {Pause.} Oh, I disagree. I think it'll last. {Pause.} Are you willing to put your money where your mouth is? {Pause.} OK. It's a bet. {MAIN enters - throws cleaning supplies on the ground. Breaks mop over knee} MAIN: Bah! G: Nice to see you again, sweetcakes. MAIN: Oh, don't start with me. What a horrible day. G: Are you OK, dearie? MAIN: No, I'm not OK. I'm exhausted. All that mess. And that neat freak. I'll never manage it all. I just want to sit down and put me legs up. {Tries to sit in empty chair} G: Watch out! That's Robert you're sitting on. MAIN: I have to sit down. I'm completely shattered. {sits on floor} {speaking to chair} I'm sorry, I don't see you, Robert. Is the chair comfortable? G: Oh, he's not there anymore, hun. You scared him a big. He's over there now. MAIN: So the chair's free? {gets up - shakes chair - sits in it} Ahhhhhh, that's better. G: So what's really the matter, honey bunny? MAIN: I've been trying to get on with people, but nothing works. You see, it's always the same .I've made so many changes, but I still can't fit in. It's just so horrible; I don't know what to do. A lot of things happened around me, and I'm very confused. I changed my clothes, I changed my speech, I changed my behaviour. Should I get an imaginary friend? Would that help me? I can't seem to help myself. How can I fit it? Robert {offstage}: It's easy. MAIN: Is it? {Looks around for speaker} Who was that? G: That was Robert, sweet pea. He gives advice all the time. MAIN: I heard it. I must be going mad. I'm going for my old clothes. I felt better in them. If I'm going mad, I'd at least like to be comfortable. {leaves} G {calling after her}: See you at breakfast, flower. Scene 17 {Everyone but MAIN on stage - small talk} MAG: OK, it's instruction time again. Today for breakfast we are eating sausage, cheese, oatmeal, and pancakes with maple syrup. Use the big spoon on the right. Dig in. {Talk about MAIN- maybe she's starting to get it, etc. MAIN enters} MAIN: So, what's for breakfast today? Somebody: Sausage, cheese, oatmeal, and pancakes with maple syrup. MAIN: Thank you. By the way, how are you today? Somebody: Well, thank you. How are you? MAIN: Getting better, I think.{to NF} It's really clean in here - you've done a good job. NF: Thank you for the compliment. You're always welcome to join me. You're much better than I first thought. MAIN: No, I'll leave it up to you. You're the best. {to HH} I really enjoyed your performance. HH: Thank y- {falls asleep} MAIN {to BG}: Have you taken Ken out of his cage? BG: He was being cheeky. He's been sentenced to death. Death by starvation. He'll stay in the cage forever. MAIN: I thought only lions were in cages. It reminds me of the circus. I always wanted to join it. Somebody: So why don't you try it? MAIN: You're not going to laugh, the way all my friends used to? Somebody: No, why would we? MAG: Yeah, it's just you being yourself. MAIN: Oh yeah?That's being myself? So I can do what I want and it's OK? All: Yes! MAIN: So it was bad to only do what the others wanted? That was my fault? All: Yes! {Circus routine MAIN in rope-dancer costume, others form a half-circle round her, she is in the center, trying careful steps on a rope on the floor. The usual circus music is changed into sound of heavy rain} NF: Awful, there'll be mud everywhere. BG: Stop complaining, don't you see, along voyage awaits us... G: Yes, we're ready to weigh anchor, aren't we, Robert? Robert {offstage}: The last condition's been satisfied. Every member of this crew knows their part now. MAIN: I'm so sorry you've all had to wait for me. G: don't blame yourself, otherwise it'll stop raining. Don't you know it's the journey everyone must go through? MAG: Let us sail. It's high time. {Everyone poses as if they were about to start sailing. Curtain drops – Baby starts crying}