A SOCIOPATH’S JOB INTERVIEW


TL   Well, Barbara, I have to say this is a hugely impressive CV.

AP   Thank you.

LV   We’ve seen a lot of candidates over the last few months and this is amongst the most
impressive.

AP   Thanks. Project management is really my specialist area. I think you can see from my CV that I
really do have a lot of experience with team leadership.

LV   There was just one thing on it, and I know that Peter and Fiona are curious about it as well,
as we were preparing for the interview, we googled your name and it comes up quite a few times,
actually, that you have been convicted of crimes against humanity. What’s that about?

AP   Well, I decided to leave that off the CV because I think that it’s always better to be honest
with people.

TL   Honest?

AP   Well, in the sense that it‘s something that happened in the past and it isn’t really relevant
anymore and I would rather focus on the last  two years.

M    So, what are the details?

AP   Of the – what – crimes against humanity?

M    Yes.

AP   Well, I was convicted about two years ago, in the Hague, of crimes against humanity in my
absence and well that’s about it, really.

M   Was it a genocide or something?

AP   It was a genocide, yes.

M   So – how many people would have died?

AP   Well, the U.N. reckons about 15 thousand but I think it was more like 20, maybe 30.

M    And what was your role in this?

AP   Largely organisational, I was responsible for the transport and general administrative stuff,
a lot of burials obviously had to be undertaken and if you look at it purely in those terms, I was
very successful.

LV   Did you try to stop the genocide at any stage?

AP   I did try to stop it at one stage but ultimately it was just easier to go along with it.

TL   Yes, I’m just – looking up - crimes against humanity here, and it defines it as murder,
massacres, extermination, human experimentation, kidnappings, unjust imprisonment, slavery and
cannibalism.

AP   Guilty as charged!

LV   And the sentence for the crimes against humanity was in your absence?

AP   Yes. I wasn’t in court and again to be completely honest it was 25 years.

M   And you’re on the run now, are you?

AP   Yeah.

M   OK. I think we’re all agreed, now, it won’t be a problem, it’s still a hugely impressive CV.

LV   Yes, it’s definitely the best we’ve seen.

TL   Yes, I think we’re all in agreement, so, welcome to the bank!

AP   Thank you.