162
Lessons for Women
Instructions in Seven Chapters for a Woman's
Ordinary Way of Life in the First Century C.E.
Pan Chao (45-120?)
Introduction
I, the unworthy writer, am unsophisticated, unenlightened, and by nature
unintelligent, but I am fortunate both to have received not a little favor from
my scholarly father, and to have had a cultured mother and instructresses
upon whom to rely for a literary education as well as for training in good
manners. More than forty years have passed since at the age of fourteen I
took up the dustpan and the broom 1
in the Ts'ao family. During this time
with trembling heart I feared constantly that I might disgrace my parents, and
that I might multiply difficulties for both the women and the men of my
husband's family. Day and night I was distressed in heart, but I labored
without confessing weariness. Now and hereafter, however, I know how to
escape from such faults.
Being careless, and by nature stupid, I taught and trained my children
without system. Consequently I fear that my son Ku may bring disgrace upon
the Imperial Dynasty by whose Holy Grace he has unprecedentedly received
the extraordinary privilege of wearing the Gold and the Purple,2
a privilege
for the attainment of which by my son, I a humble subject never even hoped.
Nevertheless, now that he is a man and able to plan his own life, I need not
These admonitions for women, particularly as reformulated and popularized by later writers,
had a tremendous impact on the way women were expected to behave in ancient China. T h e
author was undoubtedly the most celebrated female writer of early China. She was the sister of
Pan Ku (32-92), whose History of the Han Dynasty (Han shu) she completed (see selection
160), the daughter of Pan Piao (3-54), a famous poet who had begun the compilation of the
History of the Han Dynasty, and grandniece of Pan Chieh-yii (c. 45-5 B.C.E.), who also had a
great literary reputation.
1. A conventional expression for the inferior position of the daughter-in-law in relation to
her parents-in-law.
2. Gold seal and purple robe (symbols of high nobility).
162Pan Chao 321
again have concern for him. But I do grieve that you, my daughters,' just
now at the age for marriage, have not at this time had gradual training and
advice; that you still have not learned the proper customs for married women.
I fear that by failure in good manners in other families you will humiliate
both your ancestors and your clan. I am now seriously ill, life is uncertain.
As I have thought of you all in so untrained a state, I have been uneasy many
a time for you. At hours of leisure I have composed in seven chapters these
instructions under the title Lessons for Women. In order that you may have
something wherewith to benefit your persons, I wish every one of you, my
daughters, each to write out a copy for yourself.
From this time on, every one of you strive to practice these lessons.
Chapter 1: Humility
On the third day after the birth of a girl the ancients observed three customs:
first to place the baby below4
the bed; second to give her a potsherd with
which to play;5
and third to announce her birth to her ancestors by an
offering. Now to lay the baby below the bed plainly indicated that she is
lowly and weak, and should regard it as her primary duty to humble herself
before others. To give her potsherds with which to play indubitably signified
that she should practice labor and consider it her primary duty to be industrious.
To announce her birth before her ancestors clearly meant that she ought
to esteem as her primary duty the continuation of the observance of worship
in the home.
These three ancient customs epitomize a woman's ordinary way of life and
the teachings of the traditional ceremonial rites and regulations. Let a woman
modestly yield to others; let her respect others; let her put others first, herself
last. Should she do something good, let her not mention it; should she do
something bad, let her not deny it. Let her bear disgrace; let her even endure6
when others speak or do evil to her. Always let her seem to tremble and to
fear. When a woman follows such maxims as these, then she may be said to
humble herself before others.
Let a woman retire late to bed, but rise early to duties; let her not dread
tasks by day or by night. Let her not refuse to perform domestic duties
whether easy or difficult. That which must be done, let her finish completely,
tidily, and systematically. When a woman follows such rules as these, then
she may be said to be industrious.
3. Not necessarily her own daughters only, but girls of her family as a whole.
4. On the floor or the ground.
5. In the Classic of Odes, it is written that "daughters . . . shall have tiles to play with."
Since potsherds were used as spindle weights, they served both as toys for little girls and as an
early introduction to domesticity.
6. Literally, "let her hold filth in her mouth," i.e., let her swallow insult.
3 2 2 M O R A L L E S S O N S
Let a woman be correct in manner and upright in character in order to
serve her husband. Let her live in purity and quietness of spirit, and attend
to her own affairs. Let her love not gossip and silly laughter. Let her cleanse
and purify and arrange in order the wine and the food for the offerings to the
ancestors. When a woman observes such principles as these, then she may
be said to continue ancestral worship.
No woman who observes these three fundamentals of life has ever had a
bad reputation or has fallen into disgrace. If a woman fail to observe them,
how can her name be honored; how can she but bring disgrace upon herself?
Chapter 2: Husband and Wife
The Way of husband and wife is intimately connected with yin and yang,
and relates the individual to gods and ancestors. Truly it is the great principle
of Heaven and Earth, and the great basis of human relationships. Therefore
the Rites honor union of man and woman; and in the Classic Book of Poetry,
the "First Ode" manifests the principle of marriage. For these reasons the
relationship cannot but be an important one.
If a husband be unworthy, then he possesses nothing by which to control
his wife. If a wife be unworthy, then she possesses nothing with which to
serve her husband. If a husband does not control his wife, then the rules of
conduct manifesting his authority are abandoned and broken. If a wife does
not serve her husband, then the proper relationship between men and women
and the natural order of things are neglected and destroyed. As a matter of
fact, the purpose of these two, the controlling of women by men and the
serving of men by women, is the same.
Now examine the gentlemen of the present age. They only know that
wives must be controlled and that the husband's rules of conduct manifesting
his authority must be established. They therefore teach their boys to read
books and study histories. But they do not in the least understand that
husbands and masters must also be served, and that the proper relationship
and the rites should be maintained.
Yet only to teach men and not to teach women —is that not ignoring the
essential relation between them? According to the Rites, it is the rule to begin
to teach children to read at the age of eight years, and by the age of fifteen
years they ought then to be ready for cultural training.7
Only why should it
not be that girls' education as well as boys' be according to this principle?
Chapter 3: Respect and Caution
As yin and yang are not of the same nature, so man and woman have different
characteristics. The distinctive quality of the yang is rigidity; the function of
7. Not merely literary studies, hut all the accomplishments of a gentleman: ceremonies,
music, archery, horsemanship, writing, and numbers.
162. Pan Cliao 323
the yin is yielding. Man is honored for strength; a woman is beautiful on
account of her gentleness. Hence there arose the common saying: "A man
though born like a wolf may, it is feared, become a weak monstrosity; a
woman though born like a mouse may, it is feared, become a tiger."
Now for self-culture nothing equals respect for others. To counteract
firmness nothing equals compliance. Consequently it can be said that the
Way of respect and acquiescence is woman's most important principle of
conduct. So respect may be defined as nothing other than holding on to that
which is permanent; and acquiescence nothing other than being liberal and
generous. Those who are steadfast in devotion know that they should stay in
their proper places; those who are liberal and generous esteem others, and
honor and serve them.
If husband and wife have the habit of staying together, never leaving one
another, and following each other around within the limited space of their
own rooms, then they will lust after and take liberties with one another. From
such action improper language will arise between the two. This kind of
discussion may lead to licentiousness. Out of licentiousness will be born a
heart of disrespect to the husband. Such a result comes from not knowing
that one should stay in one's proper place.
Furthermore, affairs may be either crooked or straight; words may be either
right or wrong. Straighforwardness cannot but lead to quarreling; crookedness
cannot but lead to accusation. If there are really accusations and quarrels,
then undoubtedly there will be angry affairs. Such a result comes from not
esteeming others, and not honoring and serving them.
If wives suppress not contempt for husbands, then it follows that such
wives rebuke and scold their husbands. If husbands stop not short of anger,
then they are certain to beat their wives. The correct relationship between
husband and wife is based upon harmony and intimacy, and conjugal love is
grounded in proper union. Should actual blows be dealt, how could matrimonial
relationship be preserved? Should sharp words be spoken, how could
conjugal love exist? If love and proper relationship both be destroyed, then
husband and wife are divided.
Chapter 4: Womanly Qualifications
A woman ought to have four qualifications: 1. womanly virtue, 2. womanly
words, 3. womanly bearing, and 4. womanly work. Now what is called womanly
virtue need not be brilliant ability, exceptionally different from others.
Womanly words need be neither clever in debate nor keen in conversation.
Womanly appearance requires neither a pretty nor a perfect face and form.
Womanly work need not be work done more skillfully than that of others.
To guard carefully her chastity, to control circumspectly her behavior, in
every motion to exhibit modesty, and to model each act on the best usage —
this is womanly virtue.
To choose her words with care, to avoid vulgar language, to speak at
appropriate times, and not to weary others with much conversation may be
called the characteristics of womanly words.
To wash and scrub filth away, to keep clothes and ornaments fresh and
clean, to wash the head and bathe the body regularly, and to keep the person
free from disgraceful filth may be called the characteristics of womanly
bearing.
With wholehearted devotion to sew and to weave, to love not gossip and
silly laughter, in cleanliness and order to prepare the wine and food for
serving guests may be called the characteristics of womanly work.
These four qualifications characterize the greatest virtue of a woman. No
woman can afford to be without them. In fact they are very easy to possess if
a woman only treasure them in her heart. The ancients had a saying: "Is
Love far off? If I desire love, then love is at hand!"8
So can it be said of these
qualifications.
Chapter 5: Wholehearted Devotion
Now in the Rites is written the principle that a husband may marry again,
but there is no canon that authorizes a woman to be married the second
time. Therefore it is said of husbands as of Heaven, that as certainly as people
cannot run away from Heaven, so surely a wife cannot leave a husband's
home.9
If people in action or character disobey the spirits of Heaven and of Earth,
then Heaven punishes them. Likewise if a woman errs in the rites and in the
proper mode of conduct, then her husband esteems her lightly. The ancient
book, A Pattern for Women, says: "To obtain the love of one man is the
crown of a woman's life; to lose the love of one man is to miss the aim in
woman's life." 10
For these reasons a woman cannot but seek to win her
husband's heart. Nevertheless, the beseeching wife need not use flattery,
coaxing words, and cheap methods to gain intimacy.
Decidedly nothing is better to gain the heart of a husband than wholehearted
devotion and correct manners. In accordance with the rites and the
proper mode of conduct, let a woman live a pure life. Let her have ears that
hear not licentiousness and eyes that see not depravity. When she goes
8. This is a direct quotation from the Analects (7.29) of Confucius. T h e word translated
here as "love" is usually rendered as "benevolence" but is more accurately represented by
"humaneness."
9. Even after the death of her husband, the worthy wife does not leave the home of his
extended family.
10. More literally, this may be rendered as: "To become of like mind with one man may
be said to be the final end; to fail to become of like mind with one man may be said to be the
eternal end."
outside her own home, let her not be conspicuous in dress and manners.
When at home let her not neglect her dress. Women should not assemble in
groups, not gather together, for gossip and silly laughter. They should not
stand watching in the gateways. If a woman follows these rules, she may be
said to have wholehearted devotion and correct manners.
If, in all her actions, she is frivolous, she sees and hears only that which
pleases herself. At home her hair is disheveled and her dress is slovenly.
Outside the home she emphasizes her femininity to attract attention; she says
what ought not to be said; and she looks at what ought not to be seen. If a
woman does such as these, she may be said to be without wholehearted
devotion and correct manners.
Chapter 6: Implicit Obedience
Now "to win the love of one man is the crown of a woman's life; to lose the
love of one man is her eternal disgrace." This saying advises a fixed will and
a wholehearted devotion for a woman. Ought she then to lose the hearts of
her father- and mother-in-law?
There are times when love may lead to differences of opinion between
individuals; there are times when duty may lead to disagreement. Even
should the husband say that he loves something, when the parents-in-law say
"no," this is called a case of duty leading to disagreement. This being so,
then what about the hearts of the parents-in-law? Nothing is better than an
obedience that sacrifices personal opinion.
Whenever the mother-in-law says, "Do not do that," and if what she says
is right, unquestionably the daughter-in-law obeys. Whenever the mother-inlaw
says, "Do that," even if what she says is wrong, still the daughter-in-law
submits unfailingly to the command.
Let a woman not act contrary to the wishes and opinions of parents-in-law
about right and wrong; let her not dispute with them what is straight and
what is crooked. Such docility may be called obedience that sacrifices personal
opinion. Therefore the ancient book, A Pattern for Women, says: "If a
daughter-in-law who follows the wishes of her parents-in-law is like an echo
and a shadow, how could she not be praised?"
Chapter 7: Harmony with Younger Brothers- and
Sisters-in-Law
In order for a wife to gain the love of her husband, she must win for herself
the love of her parents-in-law. To win for herself the love of her parents-inlaw,
she must secure for herself the good will of younger brothers- and sistersin-law.
For these reasons the right and the wrong, the praise and the blame
L E S S O N S
of a woman alike depend upon younger brothers- and sisters-in-law. Consequently
it will not do for a woman to lose their affection.
They are stupid both who know not that they must not lose the hearts of
younger brothers- and sisters-in-law, and who cannot be in harmony with
them in order to be intimate with them. Excepting only the Holy Men, few
are able to be faultless. Now Yen Tzu's11
greatest virtue was that he was able
to reform. Confucius praised him for not committing a misdeed the second
time. In comparison with him a woman is the more likely to make mistakes.
Although a woman possesses a worthy woman's qualifications and is wise
and discerning by nature, is she able to be perfect? Yet if a woman lives in
harmony with her immediate family, unfavorable criticism will be silenced
within the home. But if a man and woman disagree, then this evil will be
noised abroad. Such consequences are inevitable. The Classic of Changes
says:
Should two hearts harmonize,
The united strength can cut gold.
Words from hearts which agree,
Give forth fragrance like the orchid.
This saying may be applied to harmony in the home.
Though a daughter-in-law and her younger sisters-in-law are equal in rank,
nevertheless they should respect each other; though love between them may
be sparse, their proper relationship should be intimate. Only the virtuous, the
beautiful, the modest, and the respectful young women can accordingly rely
upon the sense of duty to make their affection sincere, and magnify love to
bind their relationships firmly.
Then the excellence and the beauty of such a daughter-in-law becomes
generally known. Moreover, any flaws and mistakes are hidden and unrevealed.
Parents-in-law boast of her good deeds; her husband is satisfied with her.
Praise of her radiates, making her illustrious in district and in neighborhood;
and her brightness reaches to her own father and mother.
But a stupid and foolish person as an elder sister-in-law uses her rank 12
to
exalt herself; as a younger sister-in-law, because of parents' favor, she becomes
filled with arrogance. If arrogant, how can a woman live in harmony with
others? If love and proper relationships be perverted, how can praise be
secured? In such instances the wife's good is hidden and her faults are
declared. The mother-in-law will be angry, and the husband will be indignant.
Blame will reverberate and spread in and outside the home. Disgrace
will gather upon the daughter-in-law's person, on the one hand to add hul
l . Yen Hui, the favorite disciple of Confucius.
12. In the Record of Rites (Li chi), the power of control over the other sons' wives is
accorded to the eldest daughter-in-law.
i
miliation to her own father and mother, and on the other to increase the
difficulties of her husband.
Such then is the basis for both honor and disgrace, the foundation for
reputation or for ill-repute. Can a woman be too cautious? Consequently, to
seek the hearts of young brothers- and sisters-in-law decidedly nothing can be
esteemed better than modesty and acquiescence.
Modesty is virtue's handle; acquiescence is the wife's most refined characteristic.
All who possess these two have sufficiency for harmony with others.
In the Classic of Poetry it is written that "Here is no evil; there is no dart." So
it may be said of these two, modesty and acquiescence.
Translated by Nancy Lee Swann