Piiníecf on recycled paper (20% post-consumer content by weight). ■ ■'» ..i* :: It ■.. > 1 \T I f xľ . *■"■" H zwo1, u y ' •* » i ''• i' fl.....— fiir V1* *■ , Vy-w- * '■"■..n ■- ■ nul', ■ - wt\ir \"^ *? r 'J It * 4 * » - v 1» t í f- ,' " 't i^ , i i'. ; -,' ii ď • i * . * - , T ' Sk t i« »el*.- »-».■ ť- ., 1 • ' z fŠBSsS^rŤH*^1*^1'6^''*?*?*^^^^^ adults 3S cht They're grown-up survivors of child abuse. They come -from all races, religions, and economic classes. AJults abused them in ways that may have been.* PHYSIC/MU - beating, shaking, shoving, kioklng, bruising, \-"v. burning,, choking, etc, Their physical needs may also have been neglected. Sorlptographtö* Booklet - excessive yelling, criticizing, ridiculing; failing to provide guidance and ioye; threatening abandonment or physical harm. seductive behavior, indecent exposure, sexual touching, fondling or gameplaying, orai, ,anai or vaginal inter- , course. Boys as well as giris may have ; been sexually abused. Incidents may have occurred just once, or many times. have blocked out the memory of abuse. Others remember, but don't recognize: • THE COURAGE they showed as children • THE IMPACT the abuse stiil has on their lives. © 1937 Channing L. Bete Co., Inc. All rights reserved. • Printed In U.SA • 1997 Edition To reorder phona 1-800-628-7733 of write Channing l. Bala Co., Inc., 200 Slate Road, South DeerfieW, MA 01373. Ask tor booklet number 48025B-1O-92. Price List A by an adult, the child feels depressed, insecure, anijry — ^nS more. IN APUXT UF£, the impact of abuse continues, its effects generally include a number of these: • low self-esteem • violent or destructive acts • drug or alcohol abuse • troubled marriages • problems raising children • problems at Work • thoughts of suicide • eating disorders • sexual problems • sleeping problems • depression • general anxiety. irs Nevěje too utře TO 0&T HUP! Many adults struggling with these problems have no Idea that abuse In , childhood may have been the cause. Fortunately, treatment services are available. BY TURNING TO THESE P€£OUP££S, adults abused as ľ children can move forward to a happier life. '' Learn more... lb protect themselves emotionally ^nd physically, children may respond in different ways, for example, they may* pgfy that the abuse is occurring. Some daydream that they're elsewhere, or that the abuse is happening to a stranger. Others block out the memory of the abuse. /......'.....v-> ( Nothing is Q^ /■ happening "^' { to me- '■"V.A.. A since adult attention so often brings abuse. These children team that it's not safe to express themselves or take chances. J i *V"""v -—"x Wish -■ I could be invisible. APPR-OVAk from adults by being "perfect" - being the best in school, doing extra chores, heiping others, etc. /......-".....Y") ( I hope My / Dad J I1* t V Will be 1 i pleased. TUŕfl OFF both emotional and physical. By not allowing themsefves to feel, they protect themselves from pain. -^ V I Won't ') .s let it < \ bother me. ) to express anger and frustration, or to get attention -- even if it hurts. ,..,..../-N...,% Thts'll" }f • show "-.?'" them/. ■ for the abuse and think they're "bad." (It's hard for children to recognize that adults aren't perfect.) r-r^.......^~\ ,( It's my -feult — I asked -for it. ( The results can be í I OF TRUST Adults abused as children may believe that it's dangerous to trust people - or their own feelings. (Or, they may be loyai beyond reason to people who don't deserve their trust.) ,-•■<.....*'P*......\ [ l ve been ( v> '' Wrong so ' ° many times before. A FRAP- OF Oid patterns of living and relating to others feel famiiiar and "safe" - even if they're really destructive. '.«.."■-v""" v., y-{ But it'S ■"'N aSways been ) I. ßABItfß «TOO MUCH" Many help others through nursing, social work, etc., trying to give the worid the love they never had. Some wear themselves out because they try so hard. •--.....<¥ These people ' really need my help/ .......,'•■.....^ eopiNô wiw OR. &HOWIH6 it is hard for some adults abused in childhood to be aware of their feelings, share them with others, or ask for heip. .,-.....-/.......V ry \oOÁ j- , I Wish I i y r^neW what / ^ I foei. / When things go wrong, they may turn to food, alcohol or other drugs, violence - even chiid abuse. /Vore bills? .,-i-p V a drink-/ u>w Some adults still think they're "bad" or worthless, and that they deserved abuse then - and now. -f I'm a bad Qp Wf-fe. i get ■y what I í deserve. 5 the abuse still takes its toll through: Symptoms may include excessive sleeping, listlessness, and thoughts of suicide. A 5£N££ Of "PfUFTlN©" numbly through life, without pleasure or goals. OF ISOWXTION Adults may feel "different' from others. R€iATIONSHlP5 Adults abused as children may be unable to form close relationships. Some allow themselves to be abused again, because the role feels familiar and secure - and it's the only one they know. Others become abusers themselves. SĚkf-PĚ&TRUCTlVe Adults who think they're bad may subconsciously "punish" themselves through: • eating disorders (overeating, anorexia, bulimia, etc.) • prostitution • abuse of alcohol or other drugs. Others may cause problems at work and destroy their chances of advancement - or even lose their jobs. Adults abused 3£ children may have Abused children see few good examples of parenting while they're growing up. If they later have children of their own, they sometimes: pON'T KNOW what to e>tpeeT from children at different ages. For example, a parent might assume that an infant can be toilet trained, or that a 5-year-old thinks like an adult. A0U£& TH&F- because their parents taught them that it's ok to abuse the ones you love. CAN'T cope with the stress that raising children can bring. CAN'T F££k close to their children, although they want to. Some parents who were physically or sexually abused as children are afraid to touch or hold their own children. BUT TH&&& PAP6H15 CAN 8P&AK THE- CYCk£ OF ABUS& if they: • UNDERSTAND why they behave as they do • LEARN new parenting skills • RECEIVE NEEDED SUPPORT during their child-rearing years. If a child doesn report the abuse run 3W3y, í be. that Don't believe it! A child can stilt love an abusive adult and crave his or her attention, even if it hurts. Children often think the abuse is "normal." Others think they won't be believed. Children know they can't survive on their own, and they may be reluctant to give up friends, school, etc. Abusive parenia hate their children. Not so. Many of these parents are emotionally immature, in times of stress, they vent their frustration on the nearest things within their power --their children. Mť""\ No. They're more likely to become abusive than adults with a "normal" past, but many will not -- especially if they seek help for the problems their childhood pain has caused. Adults abused a& children are doomed to abuse their children. if adults abused as children are attracted to people who abuse them, they must enjoy it. No! These adults aren't "gluttons for punishment" - they're just drawn into relationships that recreate the roles they learned in childhood. They may even mistake the calmness of a healthy relationship for a lack of interest or desire. No. Today's society encourages children to dress and act in a manner beyond their years, and calls them "cute" -but these children aren't looking for sex, they're just trying to please. Any kind of abuse is entirely the adult's responsibility. True -- but "discipline" is not the same as physical punishment. Discipline teaches children rules and self-control. Beating, shaking, etc. teaches them to hurt others to force obedience. Your local department of social services can refer you to resources for adults abused as children. Or you can contact them directly. for example: THE. NATIONAL 04UW AßUSO. MOTUN£ can give adult survivors counseling, information and referrals 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Cali: 1-800-422-4453. Local child abuse hotlines can also help. THE- SUWVOf^ OF CI4IMPH00P A0U&& pfioefMW offers counseling, referrals, information and public education. Contact this program through The National Child Abuse Hotline. 12- is also at hand/ AlU-ANoN support groups help the adult relatives and friends of people with drinking problems, (in some areas, there are groups specifically for aduit children of alcoholics.) AMtOHOUC£ anonymous support groups help problem drinkers stay sober. offer counseling as well as emergency lodging and protection. PAReNTS ANONYMOUS support groups help abusive parents and their children. OV6f*eATei*5 ANONYMOUS support groups teach people with eating disorders how to eat sensibly. PARENTS UNlTep support groups help couples in which one member has sexually abused his or her child. VÍW0 A0US& HOTUN6& provide telephone counseling and referrals. Pl*OFĚ&SIONAU e0UN££U>R£; therapists, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc., can heip with a variety of problems. Select professionals who have had experience working with adults abused as children. OTH&S- P&50U|*efó include friends, your family physician, clergy and religious groups, mental health centers, and programs offered by hospitals and employers. 13 oiher adult.0 protect me •from abu&e They may have been unaware of the abuse, told themselves it couldn't happen, or simply didn't know what to do. The spouse of an abusive parent may have been afraid. Yes. Many feel guilty for not stopping the abuse or sharing the pain. They may fear that they're "next," and try to be "perfect" to avoid abuse. Should I confront* my parents if they abused me a child It's up to you, but consider talking it over first with a counselor or support group. If you do confront your parents, don't expect them to change, admit the abuse or beg for forgiveness, instead, direct your energy toward a future as an independent, confident adult. 14 — but they may carry hidden £>c3r&. It's important that they: p£CQ6Nl2e how aduit life can be affected by abuse in chiidhood. V P£AU2£ that they run a risk of repeating the abuse -- or of being abused once more. heip in dealing with the past --for their sake, and the sake of those they love. if your you wexe, abused ; fault then — and 3& a ehild, it wa& not you're, not alone now/ 15